Yes, I'm a submissive man!

Oral Pleasures

2012-01-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

DominantWomen
Question: In your experience, which type of man is more proficient at providing you pleasure through cunnilingus: one who is openly submissive and enthusiastically demonstrates a commitment to your pleasure through female-directed sexual service or a male who either labels himself as "dominant" or whose true orientation is unknown? My question is born out of my belief that self-described submissive men are more attentive and accommodating - in the bedroom - to the needs and pleasures of women than those with either a dominant or non-stated orientation.

I am submissiveProud

Penis Size+

2012-01-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

DominantWomen
Questions: As a dominant woman, is penis size ever a consideration in choosing a [submissive] partner? And what - if any - physical qualities do you specifically require in a submissive male partner?

I am submissiveProud

Path to Obedience

2012-01-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

MaleObedience
The foundation of a successful F/m relationship - I believe - is created through the pairing of an innately submissive male willing to offer his unquestioned obedience and devotion to a dominant woman who, in turn, expects nothing less than his absolute surrender and subservience to her authority. Through female-directed training, discipline and positive reinforcement the male will accede to her every command; proving his devotion and acceptance of her dominance over him. Any failure to perform by the submissive to the standards set by the woman can and should be corrected through the use of punishment of her choice; whether it be a denial of privileges, verbal reprimands or - when warranted - physical discipline.

My objective - as a submissive male - is to be pleasing in every way to the woman who selects me to serve her. The path to a female-led lifestyle is through surrender to feminine authority - achieved by ego-reduction and male disempowerment training. Only when a [submissive] male comes to terms with his unearned patriarchal privilege and accepts his place in devotion and obedience to women can he truly enjoy the benefits inherent in female dominance. Male submission without female guidance is devoid of any benefit beyond the most cursory sexual arousal. For a male to be a true servant of women; he must first become property of one.

I am submissiveProud

Truly Submissive Men

2011-12-26T09:18:00.000-08:00

HisWords
"It's easy to "submit" to a spanking or a scolding, if that's what turns you on. But it takes being truly submissive to deny yourself small pleasures simply because she said so. One of my most profoundly submissive moments occurred at a party. I reached for a second handful of peanuts and my wife very quietly said, "No." If I could have, I would have dropped to the floor and kissed her feet right there and then."
- An anonymous submissive male who understands and celebrates his place.

I am submissiveProud

Dominant Woman 'Cheat Sheet'

2011-12-25T10:40:00.000-08:00

MaleTraining
I just discovered this rudimentary 'cheat sheet' to help dominant women better manage their men. This list appeared to have been scanned out of a magazine or one of those 'femdom newspapers' sold at adult bookstores in the 80's and 90's before the internet made material like this easily accessible. The bullet-points have a distinctive Mistress/slave protocol theme to them suggesting a more structured D/s dynamic.

As a submissive man who appreciates female-directed rules and boundaries I think this list can serve as a good starting point for dominant women to tailor their own lists of rules and expectations for their male subs to adhere to. There's nothing here I object to or feel is unreasonable nor unenforceable. I have long appreciated strict femdom protocols and believe they make the difference between a woman who 'tops' and one who 'dominates' her man. Here's the list for your refrigerator door right where it can be seen, admired and memorized by the obedient boy in your life.

- In general, a submissive only speaks when spoken to.
- A submissive responds better being told instead of being asked.
- Do not feel pressure to do anything; this is the submissive's job.
- Learn to enjoy yourself sexually while the submissive is withheld.
- A submissive needs to feel the tug of your proverbial leash.
- Acknowledge daily to your submissive their role beneath you.
- Tell your sub when you are upset with something they are doing.
- Find things you enjoy and use your submissive to do them.
- Remember your submissive feels pleasure when you use them.
- You're being nice when giving him a chance to do something for you.
- Being strict is welcomed.

Questions: As a dominant woman reading this list, what would you add or change to have it best suit your needs? Do you think submissive males need this kind of black and white guidance, or is this going a bit too far?

I am submissiveProud

Tipping Point

2011-12-24T06:11:00.000-08:00

EnforcedChastity
As the year wraps up I've decided to wind down my ongoing chastity regimen. I've remained chaste for nearly four months and the unbroken absence of orgasms has helped refine and crystallize some of my convictions as a submissive male. My self-imposed denial of sexual pleasure has been a blessing and curse; the ceaseless pangs of arousal oft-ignored but an unremitting reminder of my standing as a man who lives in deference and celebration of women. Though I have refrained from full-blown orgasms, I've given in to the temptations of the robust erections that have haunted me over the months. I've managed restraint yet pushed the limits of self-control. The lack of a lock coupled with the absence of female-directed masturbation management makes my self-imposed orgasm restrictions challenging if not impossible to maintain.

I'm convinced that once collared, a sub's genitalia should be kept under lock and key. Enforced chastity is a critical training tool for males; it establishes protocol and enforces the disparity of roles inherent in F/m relationships. Her dominance is absolute when the submissive lives and adapts to her omnipresent physical command over him. Chastity - as a training tool - removes any opportunity for non-ownership directed arousal and that, I believe, is key to achieving superior training of a submissive male. My failures at self-imposed chastity are directly related to external stimuli and my weakness to self-control my arousal. The longer my orgasm diet continues, the less command I had over my penis despite my stated hope to not indulge myself.

I am submissiveProud

The Elegance of Femdom

2011-12-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

FemaleDominance
Years ago when I first started exploring my submission through the services of pricey professionals, I was asked by a domme - in a pre-session interview - whether I wanted 'soft domination' or 'hard domination.' My quizzical look prompted her to explain that hard dominance was more BDSM-oriented while the softer option was more feminine and protocol-based; less about physical contact. I opted for what turned out to be a heavy pain session and I chose poorly. I've evolved from my early femdom pay-for-pain missteps that left me bruised and confused as to what I wanted in a dominant female partner. I've come to understand that female domination, as it relates to me, is not a female-flavored version of male domination of women. Not even close.

There are multiple shades of gray in gender roles and too often female dominance is portrayed as little more than a brutish female-version of male dominance with an emphasis on toys and tools and less on a celebration of the feminine over the masculine. The fierce leather-clad dominatrix stereotype is here to stay but that doesn't mean that imagery represents what I'm looking for in a dominant partner. I suspect I'm not alone in my thinking: My ideal domme wears a wrap-dress, high heels, gets pedicures and loves everything about being a woman with the added benefit of also being the boss. This isn't a dress-up game for her but an opportunity to have a relationship on her terms with an attentive, obedient and unapologetically submissive man who wants to put her first. For me and I suspect many other like-minded men, what attracts us to strong women isn't their ability to be more like men, but more like women. A woman's strength is in her femininity - her elegance - and how she wields it.

Admittedly elegant isn't the first word to come to mind when describing a dominant woman but often feminine isn't either and that's the shame. What scares too many women away from female led relationships and the multitude of benefits they offer is the unfair perception - oft perpetrated by submissive men and popular culture - that strong women can't be feminine too. Or more unfairly, that for a woman to lead a man she needs to act more like a man. So untrue. The seas part for confident elegant women; they always have. Women in charge; those who naturally master men are those who use their feminine wiles to bring us to our knees. A smile, nod, gesture, look - that's what commands me. There's no need for forcefulness because the power exchange is already there. I've already bought into her authority; it's not about forcing but directing.

Question: As a woman, do you think have more success in getting what you want from men through yelling or whispering?

I am submissiveProud

'I adore submissive men…'

2011-12-09T16:57:00.001-08:00

HerWords
"I adore submissive men… I like men who are sensitive, romantic, and affectionate. Usually submissive men hold these attributes, more likely than average men… they are aware of and caring about the woman's pleasures, and I like being appreciated in this way."
- A 33 year old Pacific NW woman expresses her appreciation for submissive men.

I am submissiveProud

She's Ready to Collar

2011-11-27T04:19:00.000-08:00

FemdomQ+A

I've had the good fortune to chat with a dominant woman in Manhattan who is aware of the blog and in the midst of her own search for a submissive man. She's posted personals on Craigslist with mixed results and I suggested she allow me to interview her. This imposing, no nonsense dominant in her mid-50's has very set ideas on her expectations for any male petitioning for her collar. My questions in gray, her answers follow; bold highlights mine.

Why are you looking for a submissive man?
I enjoy submissive males. I'm a naturally Dominant Woman, and submissive males are drawn to Me. I find submissive males alluring and sexy. Usually, they need proper training - occasionally severe training. But trained or untrained, submissive males know where they
truly belong. They know their place is under a Dominant Woman. They know that their place is in service to that Dominant Woman. It is where they truly belong. What they usually don't know is how to get there.

The Dominant Woman must train the submissive male to meet Her Needs. This is the way they find their place in the relationship and in the world. Basically, the Dominant Woman and the submissive male have a deep understanding- we speak the same language. It's the Woman's role to show the submissive male how to fulfill his destiny.

What are your expectations for a man you collar?
Ideally, I would like the submissive male not to need too much obedience training.

What have your frustrations been in your search for a sub?
Finding the appropriate candidate. There are no shortage of males who wish to apply, but finding the right one is a frustrating task.

How did you first come to term with your dominance?
A lot of analysis. Really, I worked it out in talk therapy, both individual and group. It was a great help. I am truly aware of My motivations behind my Dominance. It's very liberating to understand one's self so well. But there does come a point where you have to stop interpreting all your motivations, and just go with it.

What the analysis helps Me with is maintaining a balance with the D/s world and the outside world. It is also a very big help in training the submissive. With this knowledge it's easier to lead the submissive on his path. Sometimes, this can be a scary path for the submissive, and he might have doubts or fears. With My knowledge and guidance, I can assure him that he should follow Me. And he must accept his fate - that I should become his Master.

Your thoughts on enforced chastity for a submissive male?
I don't think it's necessary in all training cases, but I do think it's a good tool for the Mistress to have. Although I've never used it on a submissive, I do look forward to an opportunity to use it someday.

Is a Female Led Relationship for you primarily centered around sex?
I'm a very sexual Woman, therefore, sex is an important part of any intimate relationship I engage in. So I'd have to say it's one of the primary centers, the others include: intellectual stimulation, good ethics, humor, financial independence - the basics.

What are your physical preferences for a submissive male?
Of course, I enjoy a handsome submissive man. A physically attractive submissive male is always a plus, but what's most important is his ability to be trained properly, and his devotion to Me.

I am submissiveProud

Thankful

2011-11-24T04:18:00.000-08:00

myDiary
I'm thankful for my family, friends and health. I am thankful for the opportunity to express my views. I am thankful for the readers I have. I am thankful I know who I am and what I want in my life. I am thankful for being born a submissive man and coming to terms with it. I am thankful my true place is in appreciation, obedience, deference and celebration of Women. For all that and more, I am thankful.

I am submissiveProud

Her Words: Enforced Chastity

2011-11-20T19:47:00.000-08:00

MaleSubmission
"I am pro-chastity. I prefer a slave who can be told not to masturbate and understands I own and control that aspect of him."
- A NYC dominant woman searching for a houseboy/servant.

I am submissiveProud

In Her Service

2011-11-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

myDiary
I was e-mailing back and forth with a dominant woman this weekend when I asked her what she would do if she had a submissive male in her service at that moment. She didn't miss a beat: He'd be nude, collared and chastised, she told me. He's be serving her breakfast and doing some light housekeeping while she took note of his smooth waxed body in devoted service to her pleasure. Sounds about right.

I am submissiveProud

Ask the Domme

2011-11-14T18:05:00.001-08:00

FemdomSurvey
What do dominant women want from men in female-led relationships? It might not be what you think, or says a new survey by the site, AboutFLR. Their just published poll highlights some of the turn-ons and turn-offs for those women with a preference for submissive men. Topping the list of requirements for most women: his obedience and seeking her approval. Making himself attractive to his partner, doing housework, and desiring her sexually are also priorities for dominant women who want to be asked for their advice, comforted by their sub and have the final say in all decisions. These women are not only turned on by the idea of 'leading a man' but want to be pampered, served and 'greeted at the door' by their attentive male partner.

I'm not surprised by what scores high in the needs and preferences for dominant women; everything they want seems to be in line with what I've been hearing for years. Yet, there are some very specific kinks that score low amongst women and they shouldn't come as a big surprise: Having her sub watch her have sex with another man or woman doesn't do it for nearly half the women polled. Another big turn-off: male feminization along with group scenes involving other women and bringing in a third party [another woman] to assist with his training. In other words, many of the sexually-oriented femdom scenarios that often appeal to submissive men are the very things most dominant women find unappetizing.

Yet - to my surprise - only one out of five of the women polled said they found the idea of their partner locked into a chastity device a negative; the same percentage of women who said they weren't interested in having him in cuffs. In fact slightly more women found the idea of their man initiating sex to be a negative than locking up his penis which I found very surprising. Some of the specifics of this survey can be found online and though the size of the sample of women is not known, it's interesting to get some feedback on the specifics men need to work on and some of the ideas they might consider dropping. Twitter: iobeyWomen

Question: As a dominant woman, what's your preference? Do you believe enforced chastity is a positive must-have training tool for a relationship with a submissive man or are you turned off by the idea?

I am submissiveProud

Cha-Ching: 'On your knees, john!'

2011-11-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

MaleSubmission
I surprised myself early Saturday morning; propped up in bed, I browsed the websites of a half dozen pro-dommes in New York City. I haven't had a lot of experience with professional dominatrices but in the late 90's I explored my submission, in part, by paying for the privilege of being dominated. Some of the experiences were positive, others left me ambivalent and one in particular left me bruised and emotionally battered. I vowed to never return to such dens of inequity because I didn't feel my experiences matched my expectations. Perhaps, I cynically mused, I wasn't paying enough.

Of course, anyone who works in the world of professional dominance will tell you the customer - the submissive - is the one in charge. Like all businesses, success is about repeat business, not the one-off 'tourist visit' the occasional client provides. That reality is hard to ignore even when kneeling nude before a leather-clad, stiletto-heeled, crop-wielding 'dominant' woman taking measure of my eagerness to submit. I'm ultimately in control of what's happening and she knows it. She's trying to 'please' me the customer so I'll come back again which kind of defeats the purpose of the whole thing.

And unlike a female-led relationship, visiting a pro-domme is about what the dominant does to the submissive; not what the sub is doing for the domme. He's facilitating and financing the experience and in the end it comes down to little more than an expensive mind game. But even with that reality established; my desire for female-directed disempowerment training and objectification has to come one way or another and if it doesn't come as part of a loving female-led relationship, it will come as a result of a three hundred dollar tribute. Twitter: iobeyWomen

I am submissiveProud

A Deepening Submission

2011-11-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

myDiary
As my chastity regimen progresses, I find myself slipping into minor moments of femdom fantasy; vignettes of 'subspace' cutting a swath of arousal through my everyday routine. These powerful pangs of heightened distraction encourage my deepening submission to women and highlight my desire to be objectified for their service, pleasure and amusement. Stripped of ego, pretense and privilege, I'm intoxicated by the promise of surrender to their inalienable feminine authority. My orgasm diet continues.

I am submissiveProud

Femdom Times Twoo

2011-11-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

"I would like to empower other women to be more open about their dominance…"
- Excerpt from an online interview with TwooDomina

Last month I had the good fortune to discover - and highlight - the recently launched blog, TwooDomina. The eloquent woman penning this new must-read femdom diary doesn't pull punches when it comes to expressing her expectations for submissive men and I wouldn't have it any other way. She has long understood what it means to be obeyed and has set high standards for those males petitioning for her attention. Her outspoken views on female dominance might come across to some as radical but she's a refreshing new voice on a topic that too often sounds as though it's performed by a Greek chorus. I had the opportunity to interview her for the blog. My questions in gray; her answers verbatim; bold highlights mine.

FemdomQ&A
What are your expectations for a submissive male?
My expectations for a submissive man are that he will take the time before contacting me to know his interests and desires, and to have an attitude of open minded hope but not desperation. A willingness to be open for me to explore who he is, and to push him to behave in ways that please me. That he will respect my needs first. That this may include me telling him it's not going to work out, and that he will accept that calmly and move on to look for a Dominant who will suit him better, rather than getting attached to me as a service provider object. That he will respect himself and his needs, and do his best to be capable of open, honest, vulnerable communication of those needs.

How did you discover your desire for dominance over men?
When I was very young I had men kneel to me and was terrified to have that much power. At the same time I liked it. At the same time, I felt that only God should be worshiped, which made it difficult for me to accept their worship of me. Then later because I had refused the kneeling men, other men tried to control and abuse me, and this I found awful. I hated it and found them not worthy of my respect because they refused to accept my autonomy or my choice to say no. So I tried to have a vanilla relationship based on full equality, and found that doesn't exist, there is always one more powerful, one more invested, one more free to leave. I fled from the power I had over others because I was afraid it was evil, and then I was shown that some people need to relate to a human person in order to feel their connection to the Divine, that this may actually be the purpose of relationship. That I may be Priestess and Goddess embodied to them, this is a natural thing and not evil. So then I sought out the thing I was most afraid of, my own power over men. Maybe I can use it for good this time instead of running from it, eh?

Do you see a correlation between femdom and feminism?
I think that the rise of feminism has allowed freedom to the individual to express who they are. So now it is more accepted that women can be leaders, and that men, sometimes very strong men, like to follow female leadership. In some ways it makes finding a mate harder because different people have different expectations of what a relationship can be, but in some ways easier, because there is no need to hide, to pretend to act a certain way to be accepted. There were always female leaders in all ages of history, but their deeds were not always recorded for posterity. Likewise there were always relationships where the man was laughed at by the whole town for being ruled by his wife, yet he loved her enough to continue. Now there is no need for the whole town to laugh. Now we can just seek for what we want openly and build it with each other. That's a beautiful thing.

What frustrates you about submissive males?
Many submissive men are not submissive at all, they are bottoms, but they don't know this because of the porn industry taking advantage of a label to make money. It's fine to be a bottom, or to just want kinky sex, but say that and don't waste MY time! Other submissive men attempt to coerce the unwilling Dominant into relationship with them when fetishes are not shared at all. Desperation is not attractive. It's good to have opinions, to have discussion, to have a solid base of self-respect, even after you say you are mine or willing to train.

Do you see any benefit to enforced chastity training?
I've read extensively on the subject but have no personal experience. I would love to try it on a willing slave to experiment if the increased obedience is true. Plus it sounds fun and I love it when men beg!

Are you open to your family/friends about your dominance?
I am open to my immediate family and to close friends with generalities, but not everyone needs to know details of my personal erotic preferences or how I run my household. There are still some people who, despite the more open society we now have, would find it threatening and who would be incapable of understanding.

Physical attributes you require/desire in a male sub?
Kind eyes, enough physical strength to handle tasks I set for him daily, and decent health and fitness. Amazing good looks and dark green eyes are a bonus but not required.

Do you make a distinction between a male submissive and slave? If so, what's your preference?
As many Dominant women do, I prefer a man capable of standing up for himself and for me but who submits to me only. To me, a slave has given up to me a more absolute level of control, and that is what I'm looking for. Perhaps he is also submissive to other women, but for me it goes deeper more into the core of his being, and gives him pride in being owned.

Any preferences for position protocols?
A kneeling man is beautiful don't you think? I love manners and protocol, they show training and respectfulness both of the owner and of the owned, and constantly remind him of his position and the meaning he has in my life.

Are you demonstrably dominant in public?
Sometimes I am, with little things like making him carry my purse, as I noted before, or having him kneel and help me in shoe shopping, even if I'm just looking and not looking to buy. Yes, I stereotypically adore shoes. I love the subtle helpfulness that vanilla people call "whipped" or just see as the behaviours of a man deep in love. Not sure if I could be described as being visibly Dominant to others. I often do not exercise my dominant desires out of self control, or because I feel the person has not earned the right to a rebuke from me, or because there has been no negotiation so I merely exit the scene. I would prefer a relationship where people would just think the man had excessively good manners and chivalry, and not know how deep that goes in the relationship when we are in private. None of their business. I'm not very exhibitionist! At the same time I would like to empower other women to be more open about their dominance, how else will it become accepted? So, little things.
Twitter: iobeyWomen

I am submissiveProud

Sardax Redux

2011-11-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

FemdomArtwork
Words can only go so far in expressing the beauty, elegance, stature and strength of women. A picture can be worth a thousand or even ten thousand words in the hands of a talented artisan and no living artist - specializing in the art of female dominance - is as renown or revered as Sardax whose work sets the benchmark for capturing the beauty, creativity and mastery of female dominance and male submission.

I first discovered Sardax's art in London's Soho neighborhood more than a decade ago and have been collecting his awe-inspiring creations ever since. My appreciation for this talented artist has led to a friendship and a deep appreciation for the creativity involved in the wide variety of work this prolific artist has produced over many years. The Sardax website has been quiet over the past half year as the artist has completed work on some special projects but is now refreshed and updated weekly with original works that capture the commanding magnificence and elegance of dominant women over those ever so obedient submissive men who seek nothing more than to serve under their uncompromising sharp-heeled authority.

I am submissiveProud

Down for the Count

2011-10-29T12:41:00.000-07:00

myDiary
Driving home Friday night, putting a long stressful week behind me, I was frustrated at my lack of female companionship and the struggle I deal with of being a 'submissive man' in a society that can't or won't come to terms with what that means. The reality - as I've come to understand it - is a very large percentage of women have no concept of what a female-led relationship is or the many benefits available to those remarkable, confident and empowered women who choose to pursue them. And even then, most women have an innately negative impression of submissive men, like me, even if we are sincere in our desire to offer service and submission. Such is my lot.

I'm a flag carrier for a relationship dynamic and lifestyle choice most women reject out of hand because it advocates everything they've been socialized to avoid. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I'd say straight women are more accepting of bisexuality as a lifestyle choice than they are of heterosexual men deferring to women in a relationship. Why? Because women today are still socially conditioned to defer to men by a patriarchal-infused society that taints female empowerment and dominance as being undesirable, anti-feminine and thus unattractive to women and men.

I am submissiveProud

Masturbation Management

2011-10-23T13:10:00.000-07:00

myDiary
I've talked about orgasm denial management before and since it came up recently in a cursory conversation with a dominant woman I've decided to revisit the topic. I am currently in the midst of a two month-long orgasm diet I plan to extend through the end of the year. This is a choice I've made; not a response to a lack of interest or desire for sex. For me, self-imposed chastity facilitates an endless wave of sexual arousal and heightened awareness of my place in service and submission to women.

Most women I've spoken to about extended denial cannot fathom why a man would willingly forsake any and all opportunities for orgasmic fulfillment. But for me, the deepest most satisfying sexual pleasure comes as a result of my semi-permanent self-imposed denial. I am constantly aware of the subtle and sublime pangs of arousal pulsating through my every conscious moment. The result of this enforced abstinence is wide-ranging: a heightened sense of submissiveness; a deeper desire for obedience to women and ultimately a much more potent climax than most experience when the end does finally come.

Unfortunately male orgasm training is of limited interest to many [dominant] women who might otherwise be pleasantly surprised by the benefits available to them as a result of restricting and harvesting male arousal. Awhile ago I shared my desire to be secured in 24/7 female-directed chastity with a very smart woman friend aware and supportive of my submissiveness. This self-described "alpha chick" outwardly rejected the practice telling me that wearing a chastity device was "stupid." Being a submissive man is often a lonely life. I'll let you know when the deed is done.

I am submissiveProud

Question: What Do [Dominant] Women Want?

2011-10-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
Question: What are the expectations of dominant women in female-led relationships with submissive men? Is this primarily a sexual dynamic for you or is it an all encompassing lifestyle choice?

I am submissiveProud

FLR? What's That?

2011-10-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

myDiary
I had a lovely dinner Friday night with a woman in her mid-fifties who is in the early stages of exploring her dominance with obedience-oriented 'compliant men'. We discussed a variety of F/m-related topics [she's aware of this blog] before the conversation turned to the question of why so few women are aware of Female-led Relationships and versed on the multitude of benefits available to them from a plethora of sincere submissive men. It was interesting to get a female-perspective on the topic because she also agreed too few women have ever been exposed to the idea of being the leading partner in a loving committed relationship. She admitted she just became aware of FLR's and is just beginning to explore the dynamic herself.

This is nothing new. After years of writing this blog I am continually surprised by the large number of women who express amazement there are men, like me, who not only embrace our submissive tendencies but enthusiastically offer our obedience to women. Why is that? There are too many smart strong modern women for whom the concept of 'being the boss' in a relationship is unheard of and for whom patriarchal-oriented, male-dominated relationships are all they've ever been exposed to. An e-mail from one unaware woman: "I had no idea there were men like you! I've never known a man was a able or willing to follow my lead." I think it's kind of sad.

I am submissiveProud

She's Not a Submissive Man Fan

2011-10-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
I often post comments from women who have expressed an appreciation for submissive men and the benefits of female-led relationships. Here's the other side of the F/m equation: A woman who isn't appreciative of those of us who identify as "submissive" and derides men, like me, as little more than "assistants." Perhaps. Everyone is different and that's what makes the world go 'round. I don't agree with her 'take' on the topic but it's her choice and it's worth sharing.

HerWords: "I have a few friends who try to hook me up with their male friends who are also known as the submissive type. The first thing I tell them is I would never date a submissive man. I can't speak for all women obviously, but here are the reasons why I discriminate: I know myself to be an A type alpha female. Clearly all woman aren't so this is a limiting view, but what might be in common are these traits. I view a submissive man as someone who can easily be wrapped around my finger. Not a challenge. Does not stand up for themselves. I don't need a man for this I could as easily get a pet to do everything I want with. Relationships are work and compromise. If everything is given to a woman then the tendency from both sexes is to take it for granted.
A submissive man isn't a partner, more like an assistant who will do what you ask. A submissive man is a tool to be used, and not respected..."
- A 22 year old San Francisco-area woman.

I am submissiveProud

A New Femdom Voice

2011-10-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
There's an emerging voice in the femdom blogosphere I'd like to share with you. Her site - Twoo Domina - is written by an articulate young Quebecer with a refreshing take on female dominance. While I don't agree with everything she's written, her thoughtfully argued POV's are a joy to read. I especially liked her post on Dating Tests and a Dominant Women; her last point about having her submissive carry her purse is priceless and spot on. I'm encouraged to see more women not only come to terms with their dominance but willing to openly discuss it and challenge the patriarchal stereotypes we're all living under. Women in charge makes sense; especially when women are the proponents of male submission and obedience.

I am submissiveProud

john + this Blog

2011-09-29T14:50:00.000-07:00

myDiary
I write this blog out of hope, not frustration. This isn't a desperate exercise nor an extended personal ad as some have cynically suggested. Women inspire me; dominant women excite me. I define myself as "submissive" by choice, not necessity. Offering obedience to women comes naturally and though this lifestyle choice will unlikely become mainstream, it's heartening to know there are those who share my ideals and appreciate what this non-traditional relationship dynamic can offer those women and men willing to forgo the status quo.

I am committed to this blog and will continue sharing my ideas - publicly and proudly - for what I hope will be a long time to come. Why? Because there is an audience for the content I create whether you agree with it or not. Hundreds view this blog every day seeking a POV - of an enthusiastic submissive male - that isn't widely available anywhere else. And if they want to comment - publicly or privately - they're more than welcome to do so. This blog is about more than me and despite what my detractors cynically believe, it's not about them either.

I am submissiveProud

By, For and All About Dominant Women

2011-09-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

FemdomRelationships
There's no shortage of outlets for dominant women and submissive men to bounce off ideas, introduce themselves and get flamed. Now there's a new one. Female Centered Relationships - still in beta - has just been launched by a no nonsense dominant woman seeking to detour the current state of Femdom talk and make it less kink-centric and more female/relationship oriented. That's not a bad idea. This intriguing woman also has a somewhat ulterior motive: to meet a man. She has written widely on her own blog, True Domme, of her desire to meet and marry her ideal submissive husband. The search continues for her. I asked if I could interview her about her new site and expectations for it. Below is our online interview; my questions in gray; her answers verbatim, bold highlights mine.

Why did you start this site?
I started the site for a segment of the F/m community that doesn't fit either the BDSM or Female Led groups [and perhaps in the long term to draw people away from those as they evolve and grow in their ideas]. There are some of us that seek the relationship and bedroom hierarchy without the props, fanfare, ritualistic behavior, etc. We want to love our partners. We want an otherwise "normal" fulfilling relationship. We don't need beat, frustrate, test, hurt anyone to achieve these goals. This isn't a fantasy "lifestyle". It's regular life, but a regular life with a very clear and open hierarchy. With this site I'm hoping the community can work together toward an approximate definition, and in the process support each other.

I am reminded of a post on a board where a poorly behaved sub said without the kink there would be nothing in it for him, that he might as well just have an equal relationship. This is the selfish behavior I find really appalling within the BDSM community and have written about several times in my blog. Why should a woman want to be "pretend" worshipped for his sexual jollies? Does that not make her simply a tool of his fetish? What self-respecting dominant woman would knowingly be used in this fashion? None. While it may be an over-simplification, I don't think a woman in that situation is really in charge or worshipped. The more I study the dynamics the less I see a situation that is advantageous to most women.

It is truly little wonder why many dominant women aren't attracted to BDSM dynamics. Most women [but not all] wouldn't want a relationship where she had to be emotionally distant from her mate. Most women also aren't interested in being physically abusive either, sexually or otherwise. Aggressive, yes. Abusive, no. It strikes me as unnatural. I'm sure there are those that would disagree, however.

How will FemaleCentered benefit [dominant] women?
This social network is meant to be sort of outreach and moral support for like minds that would otherwise feel like there's no place for us. I'm also hoping some real friendships can grow with people we have something very fundamental we have in common with.

Advice for men joining your site?
While in its current beta state... I advise men joining to be ready to start conversations where there are none and not expect there to be tons of content yet they can just reply to. I advise men that would like this forum to take off to be my personal advocates, to seek out other men and women that might like this social network and give them a pitch about it. I need my boys to be champions of the cause, like knights of the realm.

The most important attribute for a submissive man?
This is a very hard question to answer. I guess first and foremost is natural humbleness, not something beat into him.

What won't you allow on your site?
My primary concerns are A) that kinksters not be allowed to take over the discussion which would inevitably take focus off female leadership and B) this site not be used to create or distribute wank material for men.

How is your search for submissive husband coming?
In a word: stalled. I'm talking to very nice Italian gentleman at the moment but I am unsure yet if it is more than just friendly chitchat. I enjoy his company. If nothing comes of it, I'm okay with that. Right now relationships are not my top priority.

I am submissiveProud

Ain't That the Truth!

2011-09-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"...many submissive men do not present themselves as sane and attractive specimens of humanity."
- From a comment posted here by TwooDomina

I am submissiveProud

She Gets It!

2011-09-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
The following was written on FetLife by a dominant woman and re-posted on the blog Twoo Domina. This is - if nothing else - an eloquent treatise on the oft unspoken benefits available to women who choose to be served and obeyed by submissive men. We're a misunderstood bunch, to be sure, and the woman who wrote the following clearly understands the difficulties men, like me, face in trying to explain ourselves and our service-oriented POV. If women would take a few minutes to consider the following essay they might not abruptly dismiss those men - like me - who want nothing more than to put them first in loving, committed female-centric relationships. Bold highlights mine.

HerWords
"It is with great respect to submissive men that I attempt to write a respectful dissertation on this topic. This is just one girl’s opinion and in no way is meant to define or offend anyone. I feel that many of you have been wrongfully classified as weak men. You have not had any role models as you’ve walked this path. Somewhere along the line, you’ve been told that submission in a man is weak. It is my humble opinion that you are the strongest of men…

A truly submissive man is a protector, a servant, a planner, as well as a graceful reflection of his Mistress. He is conscious that his appearance is reflection of her and therefore endeavors himself to always be put together. He is a silent reflection of her strength and a supporter of her dreams and goals. The greatest submissive men act with dignity, in fact they act with the dignity of the best butler…anticipating her needs because they know her. They know she drinks a cup of tea before bed and strive to have it waiting for her when she retires.

He strives to posses the best of manners, and what I mean by this goes way deeper that what the general society believes. He pulls out her chair every time, no matter the location. He stands when she leaves the dinner table…even when they are alone. He realizes that his manners are a reflection of his deep gratitude for her. The greatest of submissive men are gentlemen first. They are honorable… they don’t act out in order to seek what might be an enjoyable punishment. In fact, a punishment is never enjoyable…it’s a failing to please their Mistress. And it’s never fun.

The fun comes not only from the deep service they provide, but also when they are alone…with his Mistress and a scene evolves. She knows him well and because he is indispensable to her, she will make every fantasy he has come true. She values him tremendously. He is not less than her, but an extension of her. He is invaluable because even though he is submissive to her, he is not submissive to everyone. He serves her, and in that service comes a sense of joy and purpose. It also defines him as a man…a strong man…submissive man."

I am submissiveProud

Conflicting Signals

2011-09-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

FemdomConfusion
WomenOnly: Why do women reject submissive men as romantic partners yet quite often manipulate men and relationships so they're ultimately in charge? Why not be upfront about control and expectations with men in the beginning?

I am submissiveProud

Interview + Evaluation

2011-09-25T09:18:00.001-07:00

SubmissiveMen
Women know best. That's not a surprising observation coming from an avowed submissive man, but it's fair to say women have opinions on how to improve the lives of the men who orbit in their spheres of influence. Men need to heed the advice of women and I admittedly could benefit from some no-holes-barred frank female feedback. I'm hopeful a few strong women will share their thoughtful advice on how I can put my best foot forward when presenting myself as a potential submissive suitor to women.

Solution: I'd like meet several women willing to provide specific feedback on how I present myself socially, sartorially and physically within the parameters of a F/m relationship dynamic. I need to be thoughtfully evaluated and appraised so I can assemble a 'road map' for change to become a more attractive [submissive] man, partner, companion and lover. This can only work if the feedback I receive is blunt, honest and objective.

Specifics: You're the ideal candidate if you live within 150 miles of New York City and identify as either dominant or 'switch'. We can meet for at a location of your choosing and I will handle all expenses. You'll interview and physically evaluate me on your terms. This can - though it's not required - include a physical inspection where I disrobe for the purpose of assessing my physical suitability. Following our meeting, you will share your observations of me and I will post them here verbatim. This is not a petition for sexual interaction or relationship. This is an opportunity for you to meet, interview and evaluate a sincere submissive male on your terms who desires to improve himself as both a public advocate for Female-led relationships and an obedient male seeking ownership. I will answer all questions fully and honestly and will make the experience positive, pleasant and female-centric experience for you.

Artwork: I found this delightful image from an artist I only know as Anya B. If anyone has any additional insight or examples of her work; I'd be appreciative. Thanks.

I am submissiveProud

Her Definition: Dominant Woman

2011-09-20T03:47:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"Our kind is a rare breed, wouldn't you say? The submissive male/dominant female subcategory of hetero pairings. I stumble across one of us every so often and there are unfortunately a lot more submissive men out there than dominant women... But even a post-feminist, 21st century, independent woman doesn't have everything required to be a Dominant Woman. A dominant woman has to have the beast inside her. This beastly libido, a fire, waves of ravenous passion - the dominant woman has this in spades! Aching to unleash it on someone worthy… I like strength as well as submission. I deeply admire that dichotomy in a man. I am dominant, but I'm not looking for someone to kiss my ass. Not metaphorically, anyway. I like a strong man with unrelenting intelligence who tells me what he thinks, even when it's not what I want to hear. I do not want a sycophant for a partner."
-Comments by a mid-20's Dominant Woman in the Pacific Northwest

I am submissiveProud

Sunday Submission

2011-09-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

myDiary
I was thinking this morning how utterly insane it is to live my life as a self-identified "submissive man" who wants to defer to a woman by offering his submission and obedience yet realizing most women can't get their arms around a relationship dynamic where their needs come first. How many relationships and marriages break up because women are unhappy about the lack of attention and cooperation they receive from their selfish self-absorbed partners? Yet when these frustrated females are offered a sincere WomanFirst alternative by thoughtful, capable and eager-to-please men, they reject it out of hand.

I am submissiveProud

my Submissiveness

2011-09-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

HerQuestion
"I looked at your blog again and I wonder if you've ever posted about the origins of submissiveness in men. Do you think it has something to do with genetics, brain chemistry or hard wiring, evolutionary psychology, early childhood experiences? In reading about or talking to submissive men, I am trying to find the roots they all have in common. Any insights?"

myAnswer
I can't speak for others but believe there are men - like me - who have been aware of their submissive nature since puberty - if not before. I know as a child I was aware of feminine power and responded positively to it. For me, this has always defined my sexuality and been a big part of my attraction to women. My post-puberty sexual evolution was also in tune to those women who identified as 'dominant' or exhibited mannerisms, dress or personality suggesting 'dominant behavior.'

As an adult, I initially tried to dismiss and ignore my inherent submissiveness yet found that to be impossible. This is why I don't characterize my desire to serve and obey women as a 'kink.' This is the way I was born. I simply have a deep deferential personality to women and have learned to embrace it.

I am submissiveProud

Female POV: Women + Female Dominance

2011-09-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

HerWords
Question: Would you date a submissive man?
"…it is something I find myself talking a lot about with my guy-friend. The conclusion is always that "it's so hot when a girl takes control! Why don't you do it more often?" I think the reason women freak out is a combination of two qualities: our tendency towards submissiveness, and our crippling insecurity. Biologically and socially, we are trained into submissiveness. I'm not a raging feminist here and I don't think this is a huge modern problem but just because your parents treat you the same as your brother doesn't mean you'll never see a movie from the 50's and absorb that information. History doesn't go away, and women have been the "quiet," "demure," "gentler" sex for centuries, which is a nice way of saying "submissive."

You would think, then, that more women would strike out against this scaffolding and try to go out of their way to be really aggressive, sexually and in life. However, the second factor, our crippling insecurity, prevents it. I know insecurity is something we're supposed to be in control of or some such shit, but on average I think it's safe to say we are more insecure than men. We are so afraid of doing something unfamiliar, not put off by the idea of failing, but put off by the idea of being embarrassed. The idea of being put in control of an entire situation is so horrifying, so many things could go wrong, and what women don't understand is that it's not important what we choose to do with your authority, it's just important that we grasp it. The hot part is that we're in control, not the individual actions we demand from our partners."
- Comment by San Francisco-area woman in her 20's.

I am submissiveProud

Men: Redefined

2011-09-17T10:12:00.000-07:00

WomenOnly
Question: In your ideal world you wish men would….?

I am submissiveProud

Yes, She's a Dominant Woman!

2011-09-17T09:30:00.001-07:00

myDiary
I awoke to a story in this morning's New York Post about a lawyer in the New York state Attorney General's office who reportedly moonlights as a dominatrix. Shock! She's been suspended from her job without pay while an investigation is conducted to determine whether she broke any laws regarding outside employment. Regardless of whether she's cleared or prosecuted, she's a victim [ain't that rich; a prosecutor described as a 'victim'] because she's got proclivities beyond prosecuting white collar crimes. So why is it a spectacle and news story whenever women are publicly identified as dominatrixes and empowered to take the lead with men? Because there's a double standard.

Everyone knows men are sexually and physically dominant over women so there's no shock value - except when they force it in four-figure a night midtown hotel suites with African-born housekeepers but I won't delve into that here. This woman - this dominant woman - did something that appealed to her: She rejected conventional stereotypes and took the lead with men. But unfortunately for her, society can't handle sexually dominant women - it challenges the patriarchal power structure and questions the very nature of our bent society that insists that women seek nothing more than "equality" with men or face public ridicule at being sexually deviant because they want to be in charge. All this does - besides drag an undoubtedly smart talented lawyer through the proverbial mud - is remind all of those submissive men out there reading this that one thing we want: acceptance is still a long way off. So we keep it hidden because you never know who is listening. And to be frank, who wants to be on the cover of the Post?

I am submissiveProud

Her Whim = His Worry

2011-09-17T04:48:00.000-07:00

EnforcedChastity
I've been chatting with a dominant woman who shares my belief that submissive men should be chastised 24/7; our orgasms rationed as a reward for exceptional service and obedience. If males are permitted excessive liberties with their genitalia how can they be trained to their full potential by the women who have chosen them? Chastity is a constant reminder for a submissive that he is always in service; his physical arousal and release restricted; his attention redirected to the needs of his dominant and her all encompassing command of his penis and psyche.

For a submissive in chastity it all comes down to his performance and her pleasure. Failure to meet and exceed expectations can be punished through denial; the dominant always dictating if and when he's allowed sexual release. This places the submissive in a precarious position with regard to his relief. It's incumbent for the submissive to be proactive in service and demonstrated obedience, because performance failures can lead to her indifference and inaction. She need not do anything to punish him; his reward requires her key and permission to his unlock his tightly controlled pleasure.

I am submissiveProud

The Queen and I

2011-09-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

FemdomQ+A
There's no time to waste for one middle-aged Manhattan matriarch; she's enlisted Craigslist to help cultivate and collar her ideal submissive servant. A self described "alluring, glasses-wearing, voluptuous librarian type who loves submissive males," this high-powered publishing executive has no qualms taking command of a compliant slave seeking selfless-service and submission to his female superior. I asked if she'd answer a few questions for the blog and she readily accepted. My questions in gray; bold highlights mine.

Describe your ideal submissive:
One who obeys, and follows My commands. I really don’t like dissension of any kind. Other than that he has to be motivated, ambitious, cultured, well-read, have a sense of humor, and someone I’d want to have a conversation with - witty is good too.

What are your training methods?
I enjoy training a new submissive. We start with him stripping naked and formally presenting himself to Me. I do a complete inspection of his body, using a cane to see the goods. After that I have him stand in the corner facing the wall. He might remain there for half-hour. Then when I’m ready, I command him to prostrate on the floor to worship Me. I think it’s important when first fully assessing a submissive to see his obedience level.
Some other training methods include:
- I use a training collar with a new submissive.
- I never raise my voice, in fact my voice gets softer, and quieter when I’m training the sub and he’s not following or not understanding My commands.
- If the situation calls for it, depending on how “male” the sub is - I do employ leather restraints, hoods, and use the closet as a training tool.
- A submissive who doesn’t follow My orders, or one who I think is in need of, punishment - does get punished. Administering punishment is a necessary evil, that I enjoy enforcing. When necessary, I have a great fondness for the bamboo cane. I find that ex-military submissives - whom I’ve had the pleasure of handling - can take a lot more punishment, and this does have a charm all its own.
- On the other spectrum, sometimes you discover that your submissive is really a T-girl, and you must train her appropriately. In these cases I use the art of forced feminization, which includes: panties, bras, dresses, makeup and high heels. I have a special fondness for these submissives, and I love watching their journey.

Are you open about your dominance with friends/family?
Yes, my close friends do know about my predilection for male submissives. I don’t have any friends who share my desire for male submissives, but my friends are very open minded, and accepting.

Any correlation between feminism and female dominance?
I think it is apples and oranges. To me, the feminist movement is about correcting a wrong that was done to women in society. It’s about equal rights, and allowing women to support themselves financially and emotionally. Given that description of the feminist movement, you must say that Female Dominance is different, obviously. Female Dominance isn’t about equality. Female Dominance is about [Mrs.] Darwinism.

What are your expectations for a submissive wearing your collar?
- I believe all straight males - and submissives in particular - need a lot of rules, and controls. Their entire day needs to be planned by the Mistress. Idle hands, and all that.
- I expect him to do the daily household duties he would be responsible for all the cleaning, laundering and cooking. I would do the shopping - I love shopping.
- Whenever he is home he would wear My collar and when we went out together he would wear it - the only exception being when he was at work - he wouldn’t have to wear it at work, or in front of work colleagues.
- I would want him to keep a dairy of his thoughts and actions. I would read his diary weekly and critique it.
- I expect him to have a job, and be completely focused on his work while he is at work.
- If he has to travel for work, I would expect him to wear a chastity device [one made of plastic, so it gets through airport security].
- I would have him make “duty calls” to me at different intervals throughout the day.
- I would control his sexual releases. While he served Me breakfast he would be informed of his full daily schedule, and whether he could release that evening or not.

In your ideal world, men would…?
Follow Women to the letter.

Your thoughts on enforced male chastity as a training tool?
Love it! I think it’s totally hot. I love reading about male chastity, seeing photos of the devices, seeing males in those devices and I love fantasizing about it. But I’ve never been in a position to actualize it. Hopefully I’ll get the chance….

Turn offs about submissive men seeking your attention?
About 4 years ago, a very successful, submissive gentleman sent me a petition with over 200 questions and answers about his likes and dislikes. Needless to say I never contacted him again. And do you know what? I still get emails from him asking if I received his petition.

I am submissiveProud

A Pubic Nuisance

2011-09-09T16:52:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
WomenOnly: Are male pubes best left natural or do you prefer them trimmed or shaved? Is there a 'right look' for a submissive male when presenting himself for inspection?

I am submissiveProud

Women Decide; men abide

2011-09-09T03:07:00.000-07:00

FemdomProtocols
I didn't come up with this thought provoking male management 'cheat sheet' for dominant women but agree there are some intriguing concepts and protocols for F/m couples to consider.

Clearly defined directives help provide a road map of obedience for men in service to women; allowing the male to focus his energies on pleasing his female superior which should always be his primary performance objective. While everyone may not agree on every point listed below, these bullet-points provides a control and command framework for the dominant to establish and refine her authority over the male she has chosen to serve her. Feel free to share your ideas and suggestions for what should be on this list.

The Rules [for submissive men]
- In general, a submissive only speaks when spoken to.
- A submissive should be told what to do instead of being asked.
- Do not feel pressure to do anything; this is the submissive's job.
- Learn to enjoy yourself sexually while the submissive is withheld.
- A submissive needs to feel the tug of your proverbial leash.
- Acknowledge daily to your submissive their role beneath you.
- Tell your submissive if you are upset with something they are doing.
- Find things you enjoy and use your submissive to do them.
- Remember your submissive feels pleasure when you use them.
- Being strict is welcome.

I am submissiveProud

What Do You Want?

2011-09-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
Question: As a woman exploring her dominance or engaging with a submissive man; what are your priorities and expectations for the obedient man of your choosing?

I am submissiveProud

Walking Tall

2011-09-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
A female friend recently asked what I thought of a pair of shoes she was thinking of buying online. I feigned disinterest and said they were 'okay' when, in truth, I thought they were hot. Women in sleek high-heel pumps works for me and I'm not alone. I think most men prefer women in heels and how they arch and position a woman's body, emphasizing legs and accentuating breasts. I get it. Women's shoes are as sexy and addicting for men as they are for the women who wear them. I'll be the first to admit, I take note of women in their heels especially when worn with a confident demeanor that fuels my eagerness to submit.

If nothing else, high-heels are a femdom staple. There aren't many images of dominant women - I can recall - where a woman isn't wearing them. High and even higher heels are the new black; a staple in every confident woman's wardrobe. I can't speak for other subs, but the pangs of arousal are strong in the presence of a confident women in heels; my desire to assume a devotional position: kneeling with lips pressed reverently to her toes as she takes measure of my submission and rightful feminine authority over me.

I am submissiveProud

All Hers

2011-09-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

myDiary
Enforced chastity fascinates me to no end; that a dominant woman can lock-up my penis and prevent not only an erection but any demonstration of arousal is beyond exciting. The benefits of male chastity are well documented and pictures of these devices can be found with a few keystrokes. Yet one very graphic photo had me on edge all weekend; so much so I couldn't stop looking at it. The image is adult-oriented but the undercurrent of feminine control and male submission is priceless. Despite both being nude, she's clearly the one in command of the chastised male standing obediently before her; his genitalia blooming in desire yet locked securely in submission as she takes measure of his eagerness to serve. She's in control; he's not. Ultimately, isn't that what F/m all about?

I am submissiveProud

Obedience and Surrender

2011-09-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

myDiary
There are good weeks, bad weeks and then there was last week. I work hard; my job is stressful and demanding yet satisfying and fulfilling. Last week was more special than most and though it worked out in the end, the week seemed endless and took every once of energy I could muster. As the constant demands of decision-making engulfed me I found - in the rare moments of reverie - intermittent comfort in being an innately submissive man.

My cravings centered around my need for unconditional surrender and obedience to women; to be taken, used and commanded; stripped of ego and pretense. I craved the control of a collar, the leadership of a leash, the nobility of nudity before a dominant woman willing to disempower me to serve and demand my unquestioned surrender to her feminine authority.

NB: myDiary is the first of a series of semi-daily postings on my life as an obedience-oriented submissive male and my observations regarding female dominance, male submission and how this topic affects, encourages and excites me.

I am submissiveProud

Sharing Secrets

2011-08-23T18:55:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
Question: As a woman, are you willing to reveal to friends and/or family that your male partner [boyfriend, husband, lover] is sexually and/or domestically submissive to you?

I am submissiveProud

Pleasure is a Privilege

2011-08-21T05:13:00.000-07:00

FemdomSex
Men have to earn it; submissive men have to earn it more. Sex is a right for women; a privilege for men. I feel that's even more true in a femdom relationship where men are expected to perform and please at an even higher level for the women who have chosen them. Men are constantly seeking sexual pleasure and if it doesn't come with the frequency they want or expect, they take matters into their own hands. Femdom sex should be different. When a man offers his obedience and surrender to a woman; he's giving up more than just his ability to lead; he's giving her the power to command him in all aspects of their relationship - including the bedroom.

She decides. She makes the decisions on when, where, in what way and for how long. He asks for nothing; assumes nothing and expects nothing. He serves and pleases as she directs and only when she's satisfied with all aspects of his performance does she grant him privileges. I think that's the most practical way for a submissive man to be trained and managed. Turn what used to be an over-extended right - male orgasm - into a female-directed privilege. Remove all opportunities for him to subvert her authority by taking physical control of his genitalia through a chastity lock and taking the reins of his harnessed sexual urges. When a man is in chastity, there are no free passes. The lock secures not only his penis but his power for arousal. Nothing happens for him until the lock comes off and only the key holder can make that decision. His arousal and relief are always on her terms; never his. Sex happens as she wants. His only goal is her pleasure.

I am submissiveProud

Dominant Not Dominatrix

2011-08-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

FeminineAuthority
Almost without exception, whenever I reveal to a woman my submissive tendencies I am invariably asked if I'm looking for a 'dominatrix' rather than a dominant romantic partner. That's certainly understandable because after years of writing this blog, I've come to realize most women have never heard of female led relationships much less have any understanding of what they're all about. The notion of a woman purposely leading a man in all aspects of a long-term partnership is oft interpreted as nothing more than 'bedroom kink' by most of the smart modern women I've shared my beliefs and hopes with. I'm continually surprised at how closed-minded so many outwardly confident women can be about the realities and benefits of a relationship with a submissive man eager to follow their smart lead. Female dominance and male submission - as the foundation for a long-term relationship or marriage - is routinely denounced as unworkable, undesirable and nothing more than male fantasy run amok by many otherwise 'open-minded' progressive women who reject the concept out of hand.

There's a smattering of women who appreciate men - like me - who think differently about gender roles yet are unsure as to how to incorporate these differences into their own relationships because female dominance, by its nature, challenges the stereotypical patriarchal standards most women are socialized to adhere to. And that's a shame because I believe there are many women who want to be the leaders in their relationships with men but battle the patriarchal pressures imposed by society to subvert their assertiveness and offer deference to men rather than leadership, direction and dominance. In response, the rise of professional services to provide the missing ingredient so many men crave: surrender; yet can't get at home because women mistakenly believe that a man who is dominated is one who is also abused.

Do I want to come home to a whip-wielding, leather-clad dominatrix who orders me to the floor to kiss her toes and lick her heels? On occasion, yes. Do I want that every day and every night? No. Do I want a relationship that is unloving, unreal and unsustainable? Absolutely not. And that's where I think men get into trouble when it comes to expressing their submissive identity. Male subs too often have expectations the women we're going to serve and obey are going to adhere to some sort of physical, sartorial or emotional standards that meld the dominatrix imagery to the dominant woman and it doesn't work that way. And even though there are aspects of a more formal and defined femdom experience I would like to incorporate into a full-fledged, long-term romantic relationship, the foundation has to be about communication and balance; not fantasy and kink. It has to work for both partners and for many women; it only works for men.

I am submissiveProud

Bonds of Obedience

2011-08-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

MatriarchalMarriage

I first posted this article on matriarchal marriage in July 2006. I didn't write it but agree wholeheartedly with the descriptions of each of the five stages of what constitute a Female Led Relationship. On a personal note, I would be very comfortable living this lifestyle - as outlined here - up to Level 4 and perhaps even taking it a notch higher. Please - as always - share your thoughts on the topic.

The Five Levels of Matriarchal Marriage:
A marriage does not take place in isolation. It is a social understanding that involves not just the couple involved, but family, friends, workmates and all members of the social system. Because of this, there is an extraordinary amount of pressure to conform to patriarchal traditions. The threat of losing the support of family, losing friends and perhaps even a job [though no employer would blatantly admit that this may have influenced them] is a ponderous weight that results in many couples simply caving in to the pressure. The net result of this is that a huge percentage of married couples that are in Female Led Relationships are not formally acknowledged or identified as such by the larger culture. These couples can be categorized in at least five disparate groups.

Level 1: The first group is composed of couples that have come to an informal - almost jocular - acknowledgment of their relative positions within the relationship. You'll often hear older men refer to "checking things out with the boss." In such relationships the reality of the power structure in the marriage is camouflaged behind a guise of good humor, and is accepted as a joke by others around them.

Level 2: A second group is "yes dear" group that includes passive men and dominant women who quietly go about their marriage without much fuss or the raising of eyebrows by others. In both of the first two groups there is a conspiracy of silence between the wife and the husband, so that the issue of power dynamics is never really dealt with at a conscious level. Problems come up, decisions are made and the couple goes about their lives with a quiet understanding of their roles, but with no formal discussion of them. In another time, men in such relationships were mocked for being "henpecked", yet ironically, such couples were often well matched and their marriages were quite stable and enduring.

Level 3: A third group is comprised of couples that are able to honestly discuss the disparity in their respective roles, and acknowledge in the privacy of their homes the primacy of the wife in the decision making role. Once this private reality is accepted and a covenant is made, it begins to open the door to a new realm of previously unchallenged sex roles at the dinner table, in the car, in daily household chores and--yes--in the bedroom as well.

Level 4: A fourth group includes couples that have come to an understanding of their female-led relationships and have had the courage to reveal its nature beyond the private confines of the home. One would likely begin to find men here who have taken their wives surnames in marriage. In this group there is no attempt made to hide or deceive others regarding the nature of the relationship, but neither is there any attempt to confront cultural norms by flagrantly and vocally disclosing information that might otherwise be kept private. Couples in this group do not shy away from disclosing truth, but usually haven't the time to deal with the battles that confrontation might bring.

Level 5: The fifth group is only now emerging, as is evidenced by the Venus on Top book and She Makes the Rules online community. These are couples that are willing to invest the time and effort to advance the cause of female-led relationships for others for whom this is right. It can be an exhausting task and may at times seem all consuming, but it's probably a necessary step to make this vision of a new world a reality.

[Note: These stats can not be verified independently and were posted by the original author.] Currently, even the more modern social ideal of the 50/50 relationship is probably only workable for about 60% of married couples. For another 20% - the traditionalists - a male-led relationship might be appropriate and should be accepted by the greater society. At the other end of the spectrum is the neglected or ignored 20% that is only now beginning to be the source of discussion.

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A "very dominant woman" Defined

2011-08-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"I consider myself a very dominant woman. And I've always admired women who were dominant. But I've never believed "dominant" and "b****" are synonymous, although they can certainly go hand-in-hand! And being a b**** isn't always a bad thing... I've always believed a dominant woman is an intelligent woman who knows herself and what she wants and, while she may be open to all sorts of life lessons, she makes her own decisions and doesn't let anyone else control her.

She isn't sexist; I feel like sexism from either side is fear-based and a dominant woman knows that there are horrible men out there, but "the enemy" isn't necessarily the one with the penis. A dominant woman knows that many other women are just as guilty of perpetuating double-standards and she doesn't buy into that. If she couldn't be an example to those women, she'd leave them to their limited world. A dominant woman may be looking for love, but is also complete on her own. She knows what she wants and goes for it...

Men shouldn't be afraid that a dominant woman automatically means she's going to bust his balls, and women need to stop worrying about what others think of them and realize dominant women are real women. I enjoy being a very dominant, in-control woman and I seldom have problems with men. In fact, I have several friends and only one is a female. And, yes, she's dominant too! Dominant women don't ghost-write; they get in there and write their own scripts."

"There are only two kinds of women: goddesses and doormats." - Pablo Picasso
- From a posting on the Experience Project

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It Didn't Work

2011-08-10T18:04:00.000-07:00

FemdomCuckolding
Last winter I introduced readers to a Boston-area dominant woman with a submissive husband and a dominant lesbian lover. In an online interview, I asked the woman in the middle of this troubled troika about the dynamics involved in a relationship where a submissive man had to serve and obey not only his wife but his wife's dominant lover. What emerged was a remarkable tale of female dominance and submission. The wife, Diane, explained to me that while she was quite dominant with her submissive sissy husband she also took on a much different role - as a submissive lesbian lover - to her own domina who kept her and her husband in domestic and sexual service to her.

As the relationship progressed, Diane - the bisexual femdom - blogged about her daily struggle of maintaining two roles: as both a dominant to her submissive husband and in service to her demanding female lover, Sandra. It didn't work. Anyone following this tale of cuckolding gone amok could sense this relationship dynamic wasn't sustainable. In the end, Diane decided to save her marriage and end her increasingly toxic relationship with Sandra who was pushing to expand her control over Diane's marginalized and sexually deprived feminized husband.

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She's Frustrated

2011-08-10T16:47:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
"I am sick to death of men that think female leadership means complete fulfillment of sub male sexual fantasies, male dominating behavior, social distance, and complete self reliance for both partners emotionally.... because this is what I find in every man I have the misfortune to happen upon."
- A dominant woman on her frustrating search for a submissive husband.

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The Superiority of Women

2011-08-02T18:37:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"I ascribe the superiority of women to women's willingness to express emotion and talk about feelings and to women's impulse to nurture. This may not be what you would expect to hear, but it is these two qualities that most clearly define the difference between men and women. These differences may be learned or may be partly innate, but because of the reluctance of most men to communicate, to emote and nurture, men easily turn to aggression and violence.

Most men are also overly obsessed with their penises and with sexual gratification. It is the poor communication and fear of emotion that I abhor and that unpins the male flaw. I see it as an impulse away from human bonding, away from community and away from family, and it is wholly destructive and purely self-serving. Women, on the other hand, seek to communicate, build and sustain communities and families and develop close bonds of friendship. The world would be much better off based on this model of organizing society, more peaceful, more loving, more harmonious, then it is now organized by male principals. The fact is, however, that many men need discipline imposed by women to curb their more aggressive instincts. Hence the need for female dominance."
- A 36-year old dominant woman in San Francisco.

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Submission Isn't Sex

2011-07-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
Too often the discourse regarding F/m and Female Led Relationships becomes all about sex and little else. Sex is great but being a submissive man is about more than being sexually submissive to women just as being a dominant woman is about more than sexually dominating a submissive man. Agreed? A dominant woman in search of a suitable submissive husband has posted a thoughtful - born out of frustration - rant about how men too often mistake her dominance as an invitation to be sexually dominated in the bedroom and nothing else. She's right; they're wrong.

As she put it: "The fact that the term "dominant woman" is automatically associated with a sex-related act is disturbing to me. I've decided to reclaim this concept to mean something real, not just bullshit play for men's enjoyment. If a dominant woman also happens to be interested in certain types of sex play that is separate and unrelated to being a powerful, controlling woman." Well said. If submissive men stop thinking with their penises, they might discover more women might appreciate them as quality relationship partners especially if they knew sex wasn't going to be Topic A or goal of every conversation and interaction. A dominant woman should be able to discuss, direct and dominate a man freely without feeling the need to provide a 'sexual reward' for his cooperation and attention. Pretty radical, huh?

If men submissive men - like me - want to be led by women in committed long-term relationships then the emphasis of the relationship have to be focused on the female as a whole; not just as an object of adoration, fantasy or sexual dominance. As I've said before, men are often their own worst enemies when it comes attracting women whom they wish to serve and obey. Women want to be listened to and obeyed but also cherished and protected. Submissive men are uniquely suited to provide for women; but have to remember what this type of relationship is all about and it's not all about them.

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A Radical Feminist On Femdom

2011-07-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

FemdomFeminism
The following is an excerpt from an interview I conducted via e-mail with a self-described dominant woman, women's advocate and radical feminist in California. My question in gray; her answers verbatim, bold highlights, mine.

How do your feminist leanings relate to your desire to date a submissive man?
"Radical feminism, unlike moderate, liberal, eco-, and other forms of feminism, recognizes the sexual exploitation and oppression of women as the primary and fundamental factor in maintaining a patriarchal society. This type of oppression, between the sexes, precedes all others and must be abolished. The subordinate status of women is a result of the systematic dominance of men, with intent to control women through degradation, objectification, exploitation, enslavement, oppression, discrimination, harassment, commodification, and endemic violence. 'Radical' means going to the root of the problem or the root cause of women's oppression. So, as a radical feminist, my passion is to take down patriarchy by addressing the underlying attitudes and institutions that support and reinforce male dominance, including the rejection of defined gender roles and pornography [the intersection of patriarchy and capitalism] which, as a $56 billion dollar a year industry, rests our economic infrastructure on the buying and selling of women, to include all the heinous abuses listed above.

Both men and women are socialized in a patriarchal culture. My firm belief is that men are either part of the problem or part of the solution. To be a part of the solution, they must actively be working to take down patriarchy; a genuine desire to defer to a woman is an example of this. It indicates a recognition that men as well as women are hurt by the barbaric and out of balance perspectives perpetuated by a male dominated society, and the need, to heal the devastation inflicted by men on ourselves and the world, for men to step back and take direction from women [women who haven't already lost their souls to this system as many have] who bring true wisdom to the guidance of the political, familial, and personal.

Because I have been fighting this oppression for years, I have never been drawn personally to terms like 'dominant' and 'submissive.' I have never identified myself as looking for a 'submissive' man but a feminist, deferential, and cherishing man, and had thought such terms were used generally to describe sexual preferences more specific to the act of being sexual itself. I do believe that radical feminism attracts and needs women who are strong, fierce, and comfortable in a leadership position [as am I] which could be described as dominant. Again, I have not liked the term 'dominant' because it implies a desire to control others - I am a leader and am comfortable as such, but I wish to inspire deference not control because I get off on having others subservient to me.

Having power without a spiritual humility equals a perpetrator, and I am not a perpetrator but a very old soul. Perpetration is about exercising power through fear, force, and coercion, none of which I respect. I wish to be deferred to because I have earned love and respect. I have not liked the term 'submissive' because it implies a desire to submit for the sake of submitting alone - a desire to feel like nothing in the shadow of another's abuse rather than feeling inspired to give oneself to another in free will. I believe men need to submit to women who are worthy not for the sake of submitting but out of a deep recognition for the need to be deferential. Now personally, I am a powerful woman and don't want a man who is not intelligent and submits because he simply gets off on submitting.

I don't want a man who agrees with me for the sake of agreeing with me, but who takes these values into his heart because he knows they're right and does so with appreciation for the guidance and trust in the woman who has earned his reverence. I don't want a man who is spineless, but fierce and absolute in his loyalty, conviction, and deference. I don't want a man who wants me to humiliate him - I have no desire for that - but do want to nurture, guide, and hold - I want to affect him deeply. Sexually I am dominant - that is natural for me - and I have no desire to degrade my lover, but am a gracious recipient of pleasure and am a strong force in bed."

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Guys and Gor

2011-07-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

ProtocolPositions
Early explorations of my submissive awakening and all-consuming curiosity about dominant women often found me patronizing 'adult' bookstores as a young man; pawing through piles of poorly produced, shrink-wrapped magazines in an attempt to not only learn everything possible about female dominance but how I could best present myself to those elusive women with a preference for eager-to-please submissive males like me.

Often I'd end up with little more than a stack of pricy magazines that would often disappoint with their crude artwork and pictures of absurdly posed models pretending to dominate one another. Still, in this pre-internet dark age, braving the bright lights and noxious stink of industrial strength disinfectant that often defined these tacky temples of adult fantasy was the only way I knew how to explore my evolving enthusiasm for all things femdom. For all of the thousands of pages of faux-femdom uselessness I flipped through in my search for answers and images, only on occasion, would I find an image that spoke to me about what I found so exciting about being a young submissive male: nude men objectified and commanded by fully-clothed females demanding their obedience. This was the stuff that fired my fantasies and lust for a life of obedience to women I viewed as my superior.

Submissive men posed in female-directed positions defined my evolving femdom desires; my surrender to feminine authority a recurring theme of many masturbatory fantasies. Soon I discovered the mythical world of Gor where men and women - captured as spoils of battle - were kept as property; ruthlessly trained to obey strict protocol positions. I fantasized and even practiced these positions in the privacy of my home imagining my commands coming from an imperious woman instructing my obedience. I dreamed of living life as a slave to women. I still do. Those pangs of female-directed control have never left me.

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Let's Talk

2011-07-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

TalkbackLive
I'm live and online. Please feel free to reach out to me at iobeywomen1 [@] yahoo.com via Yahoo Messenger and say 'hello.' I try to be online most nights after 9pm EST/6pm PST.

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Toy Story

2011-07-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

EnforcedChastity
There's often a take it or leave it attitude by women about keeping a penis under lock and key. I can speak authoritatively - as a submissive male and penis owner - of the bountiful benefits available for women when men maintain a female-directed release schedule and abstain from self-indulgent non-supervised masturbation. Yet for many women, locking up their man's genitalia holds little appeal.

One woman, writing on another blog, put a fresh spin on an old debate: She insists on male chastity because, as she points out, a lock provides "safe keeping" of the penis which she affectionately refers to as 'her toy.' When she wants to 'play' with it, she takes it out; confident it has not been handled or used by anyone else. When she's finished, it's locked safely away in it's own case; not to be used again until she's ready. Makes sense to me!

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Being a Domme

2011-07-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

HerWords
Quote: "For men who claim to be submissive: You can’t lead and have things your way and still pretend you are being submissive and serving her. Use your common sense, it’s in the other head.

For women in general: Don’t think being a Domme is about wearing a lot of black with a corset and a whip and chains. It’s not. Being a Domme is about making choices, it’s about taking control and making the relationship work for you. You take charge of the sex, how and when it happens. You can take it further and take charge of the entire relationship, outside of the bedroom as well. Or not. I wish more women understood what being a Domme really is versus the stereotypes. However, men don’t seem to really get it either."
- Comment by a Dominant Woman excerpted from longer post.

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Question: Sex and Submissive Men

2011-07-09T20:38:00.001-07:00

FemdomSex
Question: As a woman, are your expectations regarding sexual service different for a man who discloses his submissive orientation to you than they would be for a man whose orientation was unknown to you? And if so, how?

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"Moment of Submission…"

2011-07-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

HerWords
Quote: "Although all boys trying to please are cute, I especially like the sub that has a real, genuine NEED to please. It's the difference between cute and hot. It's the difference between like and love. One is a selfish act of fulfillment, the other is a commitment to the cycle of mutual pleasure.

I like the moment that he gives into the thing he's most afraid of or wants the least. The moment of realization that he WILL say it, he WILL do it, he WILL give up. That moment of submission…"
- Dominant California woman on her ideal submissive male.

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Question: Scheduling His Release

2011-06-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

OrgasmControl
Question: How frequently should a submissive male, in service to a dominant woman, be permitted release and in what form should such release be permitted?

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Quote: Tools of Her Trade

2011-06-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

MaleTraining
Quote: "Orgasm denial, lots and lots of oral service, teasing, psychological humiliation, corporal punishment when needed and intimate tortures when I feel like it... those are the things that promote deep submission."
- A dominant woman speaking on submissive male training methods.

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On Your Knees, please

2011-06-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

DemonstrativeDominance
Quote: "I was astonished when, out of the blue, she asked me to kneel while she sat for our conversation. Astonished, because in what is essentially a "kink-free" FLR, she had never even hinted at such a request before. I'm a good foot taller than her, and she explained that occasionally, she wanted our new [ish] places in the household to be physically underlined."
- 38-year old submissive man in the UK.

I'll never forget the first time I was directed to kneel obediently before a woman. If nothing else, the physical act underscored the decisive disparity of our relationship roles and her all encompassing authority over me. Kneeling before a woman puts an F/m relationship in context; her authority amplified by the physicality of the submissive's demonstrative obedience. From the sub's perspective you're not just listening to what she's saying, you're living it. Her every word resonating with enhanced authority as she commands with physical and psychological superiority the submissive male kneeling dutifully at her feet.

To further underscore the Domme/sub dynamic, the submissive can be directed to kneel nude before his fully-clothed dominant; posed and exposed as she takes measure of his efforts to please her with proper posture and position. Kneeling nude before a dominant woman with legs spread, genitalia presented, arms behind back, chin-up, eyes lowered in deference to her authority is as humbling for the male as it is empowering for the female. This female directed dominance fast tracks an F/m relationship from philosophical to practical.

Male disempowerment training, I believe, is critical for sculpting the submissive to best serve the needs of the dominant female who has collared him. Elimination of his patriarchal privilege through intensive ego-reduction therapy insures obedience and surrender. For a dominant woman, commanding a man to his knees for top-down direction, discussion and dialogue is just one of a variety of training methods available. Whether he's clothed or nude; she has the tools to train the male to her exacting standards when employing physical protocols that put her property in a proper position - rightfully on his knees.

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Devoted and Devalued

2011-06-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
There's a post by a dominant woman winding its way through the F/m-blogosphere that struck a chord with me: the devaluation and disenfranchisement of submissive men. This isn't a new topic but it's now being discussed more openly by some women who agree male subs are not getting the credit and consideration they deserve. It's an ongoing narrative every man - collared or free - knows all too well: Despite sincerity, strength and deep desire to serve and submit, submissive men are, as a rule, under-appreciated by dominant women and thoroughly disenfranchised by all others.

The dominant woman who authored the posting summed up the issue: "public adoration [and objectification] of a male submissive is rare. As I’ve come to realize the fucked up state of femdom, I’ve concurrently become aware of the fucked up state of male submission – namely, it’s devaluation. While female dominants are made out to be some scarce resource, male submissives are depicted as a dime a dozen – common, and, even more disturbingly, weak and worthless."

Is there a submissive man who doesn't share these thoughts? Some men have been fortunate to meet strong loving women partners who not only accept but appreciate their devotion yet even these men must acknowledge the struggle faced by so many others like them who have been unlucky in finding a dominant soul mate who not only appreciates but demands their obedience.

One problem men have in meeting women accepting of their submission is the rampant perception there are many more submissive men than dominant women in search of partners and the ratio is warped and ultimately unsustainable. "Male submissives find themselves in a community with very few potential partners. Of the potential partners, many will be professional dominatrices, and many [even non-pros] will expect their submission straight out of the gate because of a hidden assumption that if you’re a submissive man you must be willing to submit to just anyone. In defense of these Doms, the moment a woman signs up for any BDSM website she will get an influx of messages from men offering just that – men who want to be her “slave” who have never even had a conversation with her. However, after wading through these fantasists, a dominant woman will eventually find a man who fits her bill because she is valued, and thus, many men will be willing to try to do so."

Submissive men can be their own worst enemy when it comes to marketing themselves to women. "….because there is this perception of a ratio like 1:20 and because many submissive men either perpetuate the femdom ice queen-bitch ideal that no woman can or perhaps should live up to on a day-to-day basis, male submissives become devalued." Say it ain't so.

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Feminism + Femdom

2011-06-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

HerWords
Quote: "I have definitely observed that men who self-identify as submissive also often self-identify as feminist and that's perfectly natural. They accept and desire a woman's leadership; they see the feminine and understand the power of it that is different from the male energy."
- A dominant woman on the correlation between feminism and femdom.

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'Men who Respect and Honor Women'

2011-06-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

HerWords
Quote: "I learned far more from the genuine submissives, the men who respect and honor women at the core of their being, for whom submission is an expression of their most noble spirit, an expression of chivalric and heroic ideas."
- Excerpt from a recent interview with a dominant woman.

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Dominant and in Demand

2011-06-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance: Q+A
There's an enticing personals ad in the Washington, D.C. edition of Craigslist written by a 48-year old dominant woman in search of a submissive 'roommate.' Her intriguing and thoughtfully written post caught my attention and I responded with details about this blog and a request for an interview. The gracious and eloquent woman behind the posting responded favorably to my request and what follows are my questions in gray followed by her unedited verbatim responses. As always, bold highlights mine.

What's best about being a dominant woman?
I am fully myself. Who I am sexually is of a piece with who I am professionally, socially, as a mother, as a friend or lover. I exercise full agency as a sexual being. My needs are met because I make sure they're met. I am in full ownership of myself. And because of that power, I am able to attract men who yearn to satisfy me. If I want a good vanilla fuck, I'll take a young man with a hard cock who knows how to use it. My submissives are the real deal. I don't put up with any bullshit at all. It's pretty awesome, really.

You didn't ask the worst part, so I'll tell you. It's hard to find the right partner for more than friendship and play. My standards are incredibly high. I have no motivation to settle. I've had extraordinary partners, who could have become lifelong loves under different circumstances, but distance is often a real issue when you're only interested in one-in-a-million men who also happen to harbor complementary kinks. I recently moved to a major city, though, and I have a feeling I'll find my one-in-a-million submissive lion here before too long.

SubmissiveMen
What mistakes do submissive men routinely make?
The typical man approaching me has erotic fantasies that involve a woman doing things to him that turn him on. Too much porn has given him a sense of being entitled to my attention and time, and little understanding of what my power entails. His focus is quite transparently on himself, and when he says he wants to serve me, he means that he will do this or that thing that turns him on. He will typically give that away almost immediately with statements like, "What will you do to me?" or "Do you want to fuck my tight virgin ass?" The answers to those questions are "nothing" and "no," respectively. Pink says it best: I'm not here for your entertainment.

I wish that more men would visit professional Dommes when they begin to explore their submissive fantasies. A good pro-Domme can scratch the itch he's feeling, but also teach him, if he has an aptitude, that scratching his itch isn't the point. A great Domme will teach him what service and submission really mean. When he's learned some humility he'll be ready to approach a lifestyle Domme with a prayer at engaging her interest. Alternatively, he may learn that he isn't really submissive, but rather has some fetishes he enjoys indulging. In that case, he can and should continue to see professionals. A true lifestyle Domme expects to be served and pleased, not to spend her life entertaining a man.

I'm willing to train a man to please me, but he has to approach with a degree of readiness. I have met men with no experience who were absolutely ready to begin with me. Invariably they have developed a concept of submission based on chivalry, and see themselves as knights willing to undergo any trial to prove themselves to a noble woman. They long to be tested. Usually, though, the men who interest me have long experience with D/s, understand exactly who I am and what I have to offer, and understand how hard it is to find. Men like that knock themselves out to court me.

FemaleDominance
Discovery of your dominance and preference for sub men?
Growing up when I did, and in the family I had, there was no language by which I could understand my personality or my sexual nature in a positive way. Young women with strong sex drives were sluts. A more generous interpretation was that they were damaged, nymphos, daddy issues, low self-esteem, whatever. I was never exposed to a world view in which a psychologically healthy woman might be very sexual and aggressive, might go after her own pleasure, might enjoy being the dominant partner. Those ideas existed in the larger world in the seventies, and I was aware of feminism and the sexual revolution. But with Hugh Heffner as a primary spokesman for it I certainly didn't see a lot of empowerment there, on the pages where women displayed themselves for the gratification of men.

I was Dominant, and have always been Dominant, in all aspects of my life. Even as a young child, competing with the boys in "their" realms and besting them. Studying "masculine" subjects like math and physics and excelling there, as well as in English. Entering male-dominated fields and excelling there as well, even while frequently being told things like "women have no place in science" or "women have no place at sea" or "you look like an executive secretary."

So I credit the D/s scene, which I discovered online after my second divorce from an intelligent vanilla man who wound up entirely resentful when I began to surpass him professionally ["you only won that extremely competitive fellowship because you're a woman"]. It began with playing around in online chats. My self-esteem was rock bottom at that time, by the way, and I was by no means exercising my full sexual agency at that point. It was flattering and fun when men chatted me up, and there were all sorts. Vanilla sex chat bored me, and when men tried to top me in chat I was revolted, pissed off, and I confess a bit verbally castrating from time to time. But there were these lovely, enticing men who seduced me with their submission, and I took to that immediately. It felt entirely natural, like something I'd been casting around for without being able to identify, and without partners to accept it or welcome it. Of course, chat itself eventually bored me, when I'd recovered my self esteem. I don't engage in cyber at all, and only wander into chat rooms on rare occasions when I'm stuck in an airport or otherwise bored out of my mind.

Now, I should mention I had had a boyfriend, ten years earlier, who confessed to me that he liked to wear women's clothes. Within a few weeks I had moved him in to my home as my full time sissy-maid slut and was fucking him in the ass. Looking back it seems really strange that I didn't realize at that point that I was a Domme. But I'd never seen much porn, and I just went with what was fun. I pushed at his boundaries and where I found a strong response I pushed harder. He turned out to be emotionally unbalanced, and after I threw him out I wrote the experience off as just a thing I was doing with that particular guy, because of *his* kink. The fact that he had been volatile colored my view of D/s in a negative way; I didn't pursue it.

But back to 1999, I discovered one of the major online D/s communities and began learning all I could. It took me a long time to figure things out for myself, and to grow into my own dominance. In my opinion, much of the D/s scene online caters to the fantasies of men. Fetish and trappings and appearances. In fact a lot of Dommes, I'm convinced, are actually men posing. A lot of the online writing by Dommes is transparently written by men [they sometimes even slip and change perspective by accident, which is hilarious]. I learned all I could about what is expected of a Domme, how people define a Domme, how men perceive and respond to Domme appearances and behaviors, but I became increasingly frustrated by those forms, because they really weren't about pleasing *me*, and I knew it. Nevertheless, I learned to use those trappings and fetishes to enter a man's head and fuck around in there, and I became aware that *that* was the thing that really turned *me* on. For me, it's about the control and power. But of course that's what "Domination" means, isn't it?

In the mid-oughts I went to the OWK in the Czech Republic. I wanted to know how I measured up against Pro Dommes. By this time a fair number of men who were in a position to know [and of course I had gone beyond the internet and had lots of experience in scene] had told me I was in a class with high end pro Dommes, and even encouraged me to become a professional. I never did more than toy with the idea, but I did want to see for myself. At OWK I was accepted by world-class Pro Dommes who complimented my techniques and invited me to scene with them. I don't know if OWK still exists as it did then - it had already undergone significant changes - but that was an important validation for me. Around this time I really came into my own as a Domme. And that meant, as well, that I fully came into my own as a woman.

And though I learned a lot from every poseur and manipulator I encountered online, learning to identify them and then to put them in their place, I learned far more from the genuine submissives, the men who respect and honor women at the core of their being, for whom submission is an expression of their most noble spirit, an expression of chivalric and heroic ideas.

Those are the men who wrap their lady's scarf around their neck and ride into the dragon's lair, with the full understanding that the dragon and the lady are one and the same.

SubmissiveMen
What turns you on physically and psychologically about sub men?
The men who capture my attention, though of course they of course have their own fetishes and fantasies, approach me from the place of reverence, respect for me as a woman and more importantly for the amazing, powerful, particular woman I am. If I feel a man recognizes me for what is truly impressive, and wants to earn a place in that light by learning what pleases me without catering to himself, he'll find his way in, at least for a conversation.

I assure you, the men who have earned a place at my feet have experienced things most men can't imagine, things that change them for the better, things they didn't know were possible. And they have allowed me to go to places most women haven't imagined, as well. But it's a high bar I set. I've had amazing men, amazing experiences. I know exactly who I am and what I'm worth, and I have no need to settle for less. What I'm looking for is sublime, in the "Sorrows of Young Werther" sense of the sublime [but without all the adolescent neurotic drama, of course]. What turns me on is something that evokes existential awe. Maybe someone reading this knows what I mean. If he does, he knows how fortunate he is, as I am.

MaleTraining
What are your male training methods?
A far more important issue is not *how* I train, but *what* I train, and furthermore *whom* I am willing to bother to train. Methods and techniques are trappings. They are the tools I use to gain entry to and control of a man's psyche. To fuck around in there for fun, and also to change him, if he's willing, to teach him to revere me and the feminine in deeper ways. I also teach him the little things I like - how to make me come, how to fix my coffee - and I bring him around in time to the things I like that he resists.

This is an example of a question I consider "cock-first" [and understand, my dear, that I say that with great fondness, because I believe your heart and head are in a good place; you can't help that you're a man... ;] Men always want to hear about the spankings, the heels, the CBT, the strap-on... whatever the image is in their head that drives them sexually. I expect it, and I understand it. It's what I train out of them, if I believe they're capable of being taken to a more pleasing state of focus on my pleasure, rather than their own.

And I don't play along or pander to that. I know what I'm doing, and if a man is lucky enough to attract my attention, he soon finds that out. But talking details of fetish in an open forum only draws a crowd of clueless men with their dicks in their hands, in whom I have no interest.

Anyway, the tools and techniques are entirely different for each particular man. I'm not interested in a particular toy, I'm interested in finding those spots that yield, that unlock him in ways he's never been opened before. That's the way to enslave a man. And I have found in particularly profound relationships that I enjoyed and explored things that had never previously turned me on, because of the profound effect they brought out in my submissive partner, and profound effect his deep submission and worship brought out in me. This is why I don't scene casually. This isn't something that comes about after a couple of drinks and a two hour encounter; there's much more to it than to a vanilla fuck. There's a courtship. I often don't scene with a man for weeks. I'm exploring his commitment, learning his quirks, enjoying his attention and testing whether he loses interest when he doesn't get immediate gratification. I tease him with increasingly long periods of abstinence, and amaze him with the degree to which he feels more exposed and known, without having touched me, than at any other time in his life. I encourage him frequently and sincerely to examine whether he wants to continue with me as he comes to understand better what it means. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. By the time I allow a man to kneel at my feet, he knows exactly what I expect and he's fully committed to trying to satisfy my expectations.

Feminism+Femdom
Any correlation between feminism and femdom?
I am grateful every day for the women warriors who came before me and fought to make it possible for me to have the freedoms I have and to do the things I've been able to do. They are fighting now, and many of them identify as feminists, but many do not. They've always existed. They were suffragettes, they operated the underground railroad, they rode with bared breasts against the Roman army in ancient Britain, they fought the Trojans at the cost of their lives. They're fighting right now for reproductive rights and the right not to be raped. They're marching in Slut Walks right now, all over the world.

I have friends who are scholars of feminism and can speak to the waves and the intellectual underpinnings. If asked, I'm a feminist, of course I am, because to say I'm not would be to imply I stand against the warriors, and I most definitely stand by them and fight the same fight. But in my heart I'm myself. I'm a warrior, and my thoughts are not aligned with any particular body of thought or philosophy. I only know that when I see women being bullied [anyone being bullied, actually] I bring on the hammer of the Goddess with the full blazing force of my considerable will, and I've been told it's a glorious sight to behold. My friends, male and female, love me for it, but also for keeping it in the hammer holster almost all of the time, and only bringing it out when it's really, truly called for.

So, to your question, no, I don't think feminism and Femdomme are directly correlated. I know a lot of feminists, and they're no more likely to be Domme than any other women. Not all women are Domme, and I reject any implication that not being sexually dominant implies a lack of self-awareness on a woman's part. A woman can be fully in command of herself and still like to be tied up or gagged or whatever she's into. Furthermore, I was a Domme even when I had almost no sexual self-awareness at all.

I have definitely observed that men who self-identify as submissive also often self-identify as feminist and that's perfectly natural. They accept and desire a woman's leadership; they see the feminine and understand the power of it that is different from the male energy. But I have found those traits in man too who don't self-identify as feminist, which is, after all, just a label, and one that means different things to different people. I would engage with a man who doesn't call himself a feminist. I would not engage with a man who doesn't revere women, and treat them - all of them, not just Dommes - honorably, with respect.

EnforcedChastity
Do you use enforced chastity as a training tool?
Well, yeah, duh. ;-) But I'm most interested in men with the self discipline to obey my commands in that regard. The physical device can become a crutch, or a challenge to be defeated. In contrast, commanding a man to abstain, and to report on his feelings throughout the day, is much more challenging and very highly charged.

So I've used the device long term in a slave situation, but in relationships, not so much except in scenes, or to make a point when lapses have occurred. I date exceptional, extraordinary men. They're fully capable of keeping their hands out of their pants when given the right leadership.

I am submissiveProud

Gyneolatry

2011-06-12T17:05:00.000-07:00

WorshipingWomen
Gyneolatry is a wonderful word no one uses. I had to look it up the first time I came across it too. The definition: Worship of women. What a wonderful concept yet unfortunately it's not frequently-used in our vocabulary. Still this one word perfectly encapsulates my belief that through female-directed devotion and submission to women men can find true happiness, direction and purpose.

Isn't worshiping women what being a submissive man is all about? Instead obsessing over the minutia of how we define and stereotype FemDom relationships, the raison d'état ultimately comes down to unreserved celebration of the gift of women and the worship of all things feminine. Women do come first.

I am submissiveProud

Bend Over, Boy!

2011-06-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

DildoTraining
Question: As a Dominant Woman, do you believe submissive men benefit from woman-directed dildo training and anal penetration?

I am submissiveProud

The Four F's

2011-06-10T21:19:00.000-07:00

DominantWomen
Like most men, I have a laundry list - albeit short - of characteristics and qualities I desire in a long-term romantic partner. Due to my submissive orientation and preference for a decidedly female led relationship dynamic, the qualities I seek extend beyond those basics often identified as integral to any successful relationship: Integrity, intelligence, respect, etc. My 'Four F's, as I'm calling them, are: Femdom, Feminist, Feminine and Fearless. As a submissive man these are qualities I find not only attractive but essential for a potential female partner.

Femdom: I've resolved I am only seeking a self-described 'dominant woman' for my last relationship. I cannot ignore the attraction I have for women who define themselves as 'dominant' and the relationship dynamic such remarkable women afford. Women in charge is the natural order and my place - in a relationship - is in loving obedience and deference to one very special woman.

Feminist: As one woman wrote on this blog: How can a woman be dominant without being a feminist? Good question! I have long identified as a feminist and seek a partner who does as well. Societal backlash against anti-patriarchal beliefs has marginalized women who dare to speak out for their rights. I insist on living in a society - and with a partner - that recognizes the worth of women - socially and legally - as much as they do for men. Unapologetic Feminist identification is critical along with an openness about rethinking traditional gender roles. If a woman is uncomfortable with gender equality and the concept of basic equal rights for women, I'm likely not the right candidate for her.

Feminine: It's a fact: I am not looking for a black leather-clad, stiletto-booted, steel-toed, whip-wielding, snarling dominatrix. I'm attracted to women who look like women; those who wear dresses and perhaps even some make-up [though that's not a requirement.] I appreciate the physical and sartorial differences between women and men and want a partner who appreciates those differences too. I prefer a woman who is as comfortable with her femininity as I am with my masculinity. Girlish is good. Womanly is better. Sexy is delightful. Enough said.

Fearless: That bold 1980's Cosmopolitan ad campaign comes to mind: "Fun Fearless Female" back when women readers were told it was not only okay to take the lead in the bedroom but be on top too. There's a 'fearless factor' required for this kind of relationship. The path to a successful female led relationship can be unclear for those women intent on taking the lead in their relationships with men. This type of relationship comes without road maps and signposts; the rules have to be figured out as we go along. My ideal dominant woman is fearless about her ability to navigate an uncertain path while managing me - her devoted submissive - who will obediently follow her smart lead.

Question: What are the essential qualities you, as a [dominant] woman require in a long-term female led relationship with a submissive man?

I am submissiveProud

The Femdom Confusion Factor

2011-06-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

DominantWomen
"I personally blame bad porn and pro-dommes for a lot of the confusion about what femdom really is…"
- From my interview with Dishevelled Domina.

I am submissiveProud

Q+A: Dishevelled Domina

2011-06-04T08:56:00.000-07:00

HerWords
There are lots of intriguing sources of information and imagery involving D/s and F/m popping up across the web. I happened upon a rather unique Tumblr site produced by the Dishevelled Domina who describes herself as "…the lady down the street" and "a pillar of the community," who just happens to have an deep appreciation for the beauty of male submission at the command of confident dominant women. She populates her minimalist site with vision after vision of artistically posed men at the peak of their physical form in various stages of submission, suffering and service to sometimes sadistic women who expect nothing less than unquestioned obedience and devotion. As it should be. I was able to ask this opinionated Domina a few questions. As usual, my questions in gray, her answers follow verbatim; bold highlights mine.

Why did you start this blog?
I started posting to my text blog for the same basic reason I started my Tumblr ~ although some existing sources have great material I didn't feel I [and my tastes] were represented. I've actually owned my Wordpress site longer than I've had my Tumblr, but it sat empty for a very long time because I am unwilling to embroil myself in the controversies that seems to inevitably occur on sex blogs.

Whoever said the surest way to start an argument was to start discussing politics or religion obviously hadn't been involved in many conversations about kinky sex! I am deeply opinionated on any number of topics but that doesn't mean I expect everyone, or really anyone, to agree with me wholeheartedly. As long as an exchange of differing views can occur with respect I am just fine with someone sharing their perspective, regardless of how much it contradicts my own; however, I have no patience with the Yer-doin'-it-wrong approach, and I hate seeing people "should" all over each other;
"You should always _______"
"You should use a chastity device if you are really into denial."
"You should never ______ "

What they should probably do is shut the fuck up and support people being kinky in whatever way suits them. Anyway, the thing that was the final push toward me to start writing on my blog was encouragement by some bloggers I quite enjoy reading. I can only assume by their complete silence in my comment sections that they enjoyed the concept of me blogging more than they are enjoying the reality. Nevertheless, I post when the mood strikes, and write whatever I want to say at the time, so I am enjoying the outlet.

When/how did you discover your dominance?
I discovered I preferred taking the lead sexually about a week after I started having sex [I was 19, we were on our honeymoon]. Early on we played with switching a bit but it was pretty clear that when he was topping he was, in fact, topping the domme. It was ok, but I prefer being in charge, and he likes it that way too.

Should male submission be restricted to the bedroom?
I don't should on people. I believe every couple gets to make their own rules and they get to do what works for them. I would characterize my marriage as egalitarian. My husband does about 3/4 of the cooking, all of the grocery shopping, always does the dishes, and does a number of other routine tasks, far more than most of the married men I know. Of course, my husband is pretty uptight about how tidy the house should be and I am of the opinion that if it matters that much to him, he should be willing to doing something about it. I know many men would only consider shouldering as much of the domestic burden as he does if they were getting credit for it as a sign of submission but we regard it as just being a good partner. Personally, I would say we engage in male submission as a sexual kink [but not only in the bedroom] not as a life style, but it may be that someone else observing our dynamic would view it differently.

What frustrates you about submissive men?
Stupidity and selfishness, the same things that frustrate me about certain drivers, and individuals in many other groups of people. I personally blame bad porn and pro-dommes for a lot of the confusion about what femdom really is, and I could gladly go my whole life without another, "I'd love to wear pantyhose for you and lick your feet" email. Faux submissive posturing bugs the hell out of me, oh, and bad spelling is soooo frustrating.

What excites you about submissive men?
Well, in addition to being a domme I'm also a bit of a sadist, so I enjoy him getting turned on by doing what I want and also by the doing of what I want done [it's a twofer!!] and I also enjoy doing the smacking around and the arousal caused by said smacking.

Do you see any correlation between feminism and femdom?
Good lord, the answer to this question could be a doctoral thesis and I am supposed to toss off a quick answer that isn't so broad as to be inaccurate? HA! However, I just turned 40 and for women my age and younger [and probably for women a bit older] our entire awareness of what it is to be a woman is influenced by the feminist movement and the resulting backlash, changes and whatnot. So there is a correlation between feminism and how I do femdom, obviously, but I don't know if I would say it is causational, in fact, I might even describe it as subconscious.

Feminism is, to me, about the fact that women are equal in value and OUGHT to be equal in rights to men. Femdom is not about that to me [though that equal underlying value is an unconscious predicate], it is about him choosing to do what I want, and the doing of that being a turn on for him and me. Gender politics don't figure into it for me when I say, "Come here, I want to bite your nipple," and he grins and comes over to me, submitting to that, and even though the biting of his nipples isn't something he adores, he still starts getting hard because I told him to do something, and he did it, and I enjoyed doing it, and that works for us.

What do you find pleasing about submissive men?
I got married at 19 so my experience shopping on the open market is obviously pretty limited but I can tell you some of the things that attracted me to my husband, and which I find attractive in other men. First and foremost for me is intelligence and being articulate is a very close second. I enjoy exchanging views and ideas and even debating, so verbal adeptness is a huge plus. None of that does any good if he doesn't regard me as his equal. I don't want groveling or lording, both are unattractive to me. My ideal is the clear acknowledgment that we are valuable people of equal worth, one of whom receives gratification from domination and the other receives their gratification from submission.

Other very important compatibility areas include sense of humor, manners and social values, monetary values, and life goals. The psychological stuff is more important to me than the physical but if I were looking my only strict requirements would be a strong jawline, intelligent eyes and an overall package that appeals. The type that seems to appeal to me most often tends to be slender but muscular and average in height or taller, but there are many exceptions to that. The sum is more important than the parts.

I am submissiveProud

Queening: The Female POV

2011-05-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"The important thing that subs need to understand when they are queened is your service is just that - service. It's about the woman, not your ability to satisfy. You should do what she asks/demands. You shouldn't be aggressive with your licking unless she asks. While queening, a woman's in a perfect position to use your tongue, mouth, even nose to satisfy her as she wants."
- Recent comment to my Queening posting by RachelTop

I am submissiveProud

French Lessons

2011-05-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

PatriarchalPrivilege
Did you hear the news? Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Managing Director of the International Monetary Fund and high-flying French Socialist Party politician, was unceremoniously arrested in the first class cabin of a Paris-bound Air France flight at JFK Saturday afternoon. The crime: he allegedly sexually assaulted a hotel housekeeper in his $3,000 a night midtown suite at the Sofitel Hotel and more specifically attacked the 32 year old African-born mother of a teenage girl; forcing her to provide him with oral sex against her will.

Following his arrest on board the aircraft just minutes before departure; Strauss-Kahn, who aspires to be the next President of France, was taken in handcuffs to an East Harlem precinct where he was photographed, fingerprinted and examined for forensic evidence that would likely result from a physical struggle with his female victim since he was reportedly nude at the time of his alleged attack on her. He was singled out during a police lineup by the female victim and spent two nights in a New York City jail before today's arraignment in a Manhattan courtroom. Handcuffed, wearing a black raincoat and a scowl, Strauss-Kahn entered a 'not guilty' plea and then was told by the judge - a woman - he could not go home but instead was going back to jail until his next hearing later this week.

Why is this story about one of the world's most important financial leaders of relevance to a blog focused on male submission to Women and Female Dominance of men? Because behind the sordid details of what really happened in that hotel suite is a story of unrepentant and unapologetic abuse in the guise of patriarchal privilege against a woman who dared to stand-up and speak-out. That hotel maid whose job it is to scrub the urine off the marble floored bathrooms and strip the semen-stained sheets off the beds in hotel rooms costing more a night than she makes in months stood her ground - not just for herself but for tens of millions of other female victims of sexual violence and abuse at the hands of men who know the difference between right and wrong but choose to ignore them based on nothing more than their bent belief that because they're men they can impinge and abuse the [human] rights of women and it won't matter.

Strauss-Kahn knows better: Educated, successful, privileged and wealthy he is now facing a gauntlet of sex-crime related allegations. As the news broke this weekend in Paris about one of France's leading politicians arrested in America, reports filtered out about Struass-Kahn's previous indiscretions with women including one powerful allegation by a French author and journalist who claimed that in 2002 she was attacked - her bra ripped-off; her jeans pulled down - by Strauss-Kahn in an attempted and unwanted sexual liaison. Undoubtedly more women will come forward or so we can only hope. And why now? Because one poor African emigre; a woman who struggles to make a living and create a life for herself and her daughter had the temerity to say what happened to her was unacceptable and she wasn't going to take it.

Here's a woman from a continent where rape is rife and punishment rare who was victimized by a leading leftist politician representing a party that stands for - if nothing else - human rights for all and equal rights for women. Yet it is the same patriarchal privilege that allows such men to do what they want because that's how our society operates. It's not the high-profile sex crimes like the one that ensnared Dominique Strauss-Kahn and locked-up his pasty-faced white ass at Rikers Island that women are forced to deal with as much as the litany of small, painful, emotional assaults delivered through verbal, physical or psychological attacks that women 'take' without complaint because it's 'boys being boys' and it's an accepted though unacceptable part of our soiled social fabric and flawed inept and corrupt judicial system.

As a submissive man I stand apart from the indifference that defines patriarchal privilege and the suffering it causes for women and those who naturally defer to men due to their gender, size, race or religion. I was born with certain privileges yet I don't accept nor condone them. I am hopeful the acknowledgement and rejection of patriarchal privilege - by me and other [submissive] men - will not only bring about social changes but political ones. Male submission to women isn't the easy, right or socially accepted solution but it's a step in the right direction for me and other progressive men who believe that by stepping back men can help women step forward and change society for the betterment of all. And with some hope, the cries of a woman who just doing her job this weekend in a midtown Manhattan hotel suite will be heard around the world as a sign for change. I, for one, support her and all women who speak out and against male indifference, violence and abuse.

I am submissiveProud

Serving the Queen

2011-05-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

FemdomSex
They say you never forget your first time. I think it's also fair to say you'll never forget your first Queening. I won't. My initiation to intense feminine immersion remains fresh in my mind years later; the act aggressively impertinent and dominant - more dream than reality. Straddled and surrendered; her magnificent vagina square over my mouth as she rolled her hips in rapt obliviousness to my gesticulations of compliance. Queening is a moment of crystal clarity where the disparity of roles is unquestioned and unspoken. No need to wonder why it's happening; it's just best to surrender to the splendor of her pulchritudinous femininity. This is her moment where she establishes her authority over the obedient being beneath her.

I'm writing about Queening because I can't get it out of my mind [nor wish to]. Unlike cunnilingus - a glorious celebration of femininity - Queening is what a Woman does to a man; enveloping him in her Womanhood - exposing him to her scent and sex on her terms. A Dominant Woman wrote to me a while back and shared that once she chose a man to collar; she would insist on having a Queening chair custom built and prominently displayed in their bedroom for frequent use. Sounds wonderful. There are all kinds of sexual positions - some more empowering to Women than others; yet Queening is a sexual art in a league of its own. It's all about her. Men surrender themselves as the foundation for their Woman's pleasure. This isn't about us, it's about feminine control and pleasure Women take from us.

I am submissiveProud

The 'Feminist Femdom Lifestyle'

2011-05-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"…the feminist femdom lifestyle is alive and well…just as the young women of today are learning to enjoy their new found freedom, many of the young men of today are learning the joy of submitting to the authority of the women they love. If you ask me I believe that the feminist femdom movement… will be a win for both men and the women who love them."
- Comment by a Dominant Woman on the Femdom 101 blog.

I am submissiveProud

Her POV: "…it is a feminist thing."

2011-04-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"What you are describing in terms of being open is referencing gender roles and gender dynamics. This is not a sexual thing; it is a feminist thing. This is about acknowledging your own admiration for strong and decisive, empowered women, regardless of romantic potential. This is about showing [by example] that openly admiring and respecting strong women does not make you less of a man, that your worth as a man is not linked to the default narrative which states that women are less everything when compared to men and that men's power is derived from women's lack thereof.

There is real pressure and even expectation for men to fill traditionally dominant, masculine roles and for females to do the opposite in order to maintain the status quo through patriarchy. Societal change does not happen on its own. You are holding onto your privilege and reaping its benefits as a white alpha-presenting middle class hetero American male and waiting for someone else to pave the way and do the hard work for you, to take the punches so you don't have to. At the end of the day, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for you. If you don't have the courage of your convictions, then stop calling yourself "submissiveProud", a "pro-Feminist" man, and saying that you are a fierce advocate for your cause. You aren't." [bold highlights mine]
- Excerpt of Wittgenstein's Mistress's comment on my Out and About posting

myWords
My first response: Ouch! There's a lot of truth to the eloquently expressed comments to my Out and About posting on how I and [some] other submissive men are conflicted over our need to hide our true identity from friends, family and colleagues. We're anxious how our preference for dominant women will be received and processed by a patriarchal society that has defined expectations for what being a man is and is not. The expectation of masculinity continues to evolve but it is not at a place - nor will it be for quite a while - where men can be leaders in their professional careers while openly assuming a deferential role with women in their personal lives. Is it a feminist issue? Perhaps but for me, it's much more personal and less theoretical than that: it's the fear that anyone can use the term 'submissive' to define me in a derogatory, unflattering light. Regardless of my strength, intelligence, verve and eloquence; I am seen - if openly admitting my preferences - as something less than a man not only by other men; but most women too.

Is there room for exceptions to the status quo? Certainly but not in mainstream society and that - more than anything - is what I find frustrating. I could come out and reveal myself to others, speak openly and enthusiastically about why I believe women should be in charge - in the bedroom and boardroom - but where does that kind of 'radical' pro-Women talk get a middle-aged; middle-level manager? Most likely on the unemployment line with little prospects with a patina of 'sexual deviant' hanging off my good-intentioned revelations. Men, like me, are marginalized because we think and feel differently about gender roles and how we fit in. Battling a tsunami of patriarchal-infused attitudes and ideas does nothing other than endanger us because what we believe and support is so radically different from what the majority are used to. Sure, I be the standard-bearer for a minority of like-minded submissive men but ultimately who will stand next to me in support of these ideas? Who will say, 'yes, john, we're with you - we're men too and we want to be in service and submission to the women we love and adore.' Likely, no one.

I really am submissiveProud

Female POV: Dominant and Frustrated

2011-04-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

HerWords
Submissive men make lots assumptions about women who prefer to take the lead. We create expectations that may or may not correspond with the needs or preferences of the women we're trying to attract. One woman - dominant yet frustrated - shared her thoughts about the difficulties she's had finding a suitable submissive man who is attracted to her as a person; not just an object of worship. All men need to read and heed her comments.

"...The thing is most of the trappings of FemDom are merely salt on the entree. I keep meeting men that want to know what I am going to "Do" to them and not who I am as a person. They are not interested in my love for Nietzsche or Karl Marx, how I align myself politically or any of my passions that extend beyond my need to be in a female led relationship. They use a bunch of acronyms to describe a certain set of behaviors and practices that I don't understand. I am not looking to belong to a subculture as much as I am looking for a really nice man that shares some of my interests, has the same core values, is smart, funny and yes worships me.

In my past relationships I have always been with men that appreciate my ballsy, definitive nature and the fit has been rather natural that I lead in most areas. I am not looking for a slave on a leash, I am looking for a man that loves me and my nature to lead, guide and is eager to please me. I am walking away from the Fem/Dom label in hopes of finding someone who wants ME in their life because I am me, not because I can exploit them.

After a while you start to feel exploited as a dominant woman because the attraction becomes based on one small facet of the whole vast set of attributes that are me. I remove "Mistress" and am again simply [her first name]. My forthright approach was a failed attempt to cut corners in seeking a man that would like a strong woman in their life. I have come to believe that attraction based on the whole person outweighs salt every day of the week. I simply want to be loved and share my love with a wonderful man."

I am submissiveProud

Out and About

2011-04-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
"I would absolutely be supportive of a man who was open publicly about his submissive nature. Any breaking rank with traditional gender roles is good for me and it's pleasing to me to see men willing to take a risk and the resultant consequences of breaking rank, even if it is just for their own benefit and not necessarily the benefit of women."
- A Dominant Woman from Canada.

"…in the interest of redefining masculinity, yes, I think men should "man up" and be bold about who they are. The more people that know someone that is actively in or seeking this type of relationship the more people learn to accept."
- A Dominant Woman from San Francisco.

Question: Should submissive men reveal their true orientation to friends, family or even colleagues? That's a tough question; one I grapple with daily. So much of who I am is tied into my sexual identity and non-conformist opinions regarding gender roles and how I relate to women. I thrive behind a facade of 'alphaness' that defines aspects of my professional life but belies who I am beyond work responsibilities and the life I ultimately seek for myself. I am unfairly beholden to strict unforgiving patriarchal stereotypes and expectations that force me to suppress my true nature as I seek to be more open and transparent about who I am as a man: one who is proudly submissive to women.

The challenge to open up is further complicated by conflicting and oft-derogatory imagery commonly used to depict the F/m lifestyle that gives pause to even the most open-minded women for whom mention of 'dominant' or 'submissive' brings to mind unflattering images of pain, abuse and humiliation. The challenge is how to go about sharing something significant of one's self - like a submissive orientation - without inducing snickers of rejection and ridicule. Is this an issue first broached by a man to a female friend - one trusted for thoughtful feedback; or would that, in itself, endanger an otherwise good friendship when the woman is unable to process the revelation?

I am sure that a submissive man sharing such a secret with even the closest of male friends would make for a difficult conversation if not an impossible one. Even my best friend does not know about my true inclination and though he is a thoughtful, intelligent, successful married father of two, I cannot imagine him even close to being comfortable with such an admission. Support groups? They're few and far between - in fact, the one I do know about hasn't met for months and is no longer convenient to me. So, it's the online community and the occasional hint or suggestion that might strike a chord with a woman; yet might also be perceived as a weird out-of-left-field comment. Too bad. The struggle isn't just about me but all submissive men for whom this self-imposed secrecy is a constant conflict. The tipping point will arrive - but when and how is the question.

I am submissiveProud

A Radical Feminist on Submissive Men

2011-04-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"I have long seen the urgent need for men to step back with humility and take guidance and direction – to give up their privileged and oppressive power and learn how to live and be and feel wholly from women – to learn how to see what is real, filter it through their heart, and take right action. I have never had a lover and partner who knew how to be with my strength and certainly no man who would cherish it… I am a powerful woman. And yes, I need to be ‘on top’"
- A self-described 'radical feminist' on her desire for a submissive male lover.

I am submissiveProud

Surrendered

2011-04-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

"Isn't a man most under his partner's power at the moment of orgasm? Isn't orgasm in some regard a complete surrender?"
- An assertive woman's question on sex and submissive men

The short answer to that question - for me - is an unequivocal and enthusiastic 'yes!' My orgasms are few and far between; I ration them to savor their intense exquisiteness; to anticipate the shuddering bliss of reverie flooding over me as my mind numbs and body quakes with the purest pleasure realized only through the ministrations of an all encompassing and commanding vagina.

Sex is different for men than women. Women understand the simplicity and limitations of male anatomy: That perky penis a mere delivery device that once deployed and depleted is of little use, interest and amusement for its female master. The male anatomy is simpler than that of our female superiors yet dependent on the visual and physical stimuli of the female physique to induce the deepest and most satisfying orgasms.

Men in throes of orgasm revert to a near primal state; deep guttural grunts emanate as our minds process the pleasure and acceptance of female permission to release while wrapped, controlled and commanded by their sublime femininity pumping and demanding every drop until we can give no more; weakened and surrendered to the innate power and dominance women hold over us.

I am submissiveProud

The Penis Principle

2011-04-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
It should come as no surprise that most men are obsessed with their penis. I am. Those meaty appendages swinging proudly between our legs define not only our masculinity but our sexual prowess. We admire, model, measure and even take pictures of them. They're lightning rods of emotion and desire; the epicenter of our sexuality and a primary [and primal] force in our behavior towards women.

Yet we can't quite wrap our minds around the fact women - well aware of our egocentric penis-obsession - aren't as enamored by our human hardware as we are. There's no doubt women know how to use them - just as well as they know how to ignore them - but often take a different point-of-view from us penis-owners when it comes to the valuation of our tool. Women can take 'em or leave 'em; they're generally not opposed to them, they just don't feel the same love for them as we do.

As a submissive man, issues involving my penis tend to be more complicated: I am semi-obsessed with my genitalia. I take pride in the compliments I've received from women regarding the shape, size, girth and even taste of my penis; I want it to be used as a tool for pleasure by those women willing to explore and engage it; yet my inherent submissive nature and desire for female dominance means my sexual needs are always secondary.

What's a submissive man to do? Dominant women generally prefer to set the tone and pace for sex; they have specific expectations regarding sexual service and for some, that can mean little - if any - penetration. Regardless of my desire for a mere moment of shuddering, toe-curling orgasmic bliss that can only come from intercourse; many women prefer their coital satisfaction from oral worship: A well-trained male tongue their preferred appendage that can be easily directed and manipulated. A firm hand on the back of the submissive's head; a single word command [i.e. 'slower, faster, harder, softer'] is all it takes to enhance and fulfill her sexual needs as the submissive attentively services and responds to her authority.

One dominant woman, in search of a submissive male 'wife', has written eloquently on the topic of mens' obsession with their penis and observes that what some "submissive men" want is not in line with what dominant women - like her - want: "Submission [from men] for most [dominant] women is... meekness, humbleness. When we want a submissive man, we are seeking for a man to be humble and compliant…."

She goes on to say, "And while while some see penis control as a means to that end, I feel that that doesn't really work in the long run. I really don't think penis has anything to do with it. The penis-oriented submission is what men like for arousal purposes. They are tickling their own pickle with the idea of submitting their penis for inspection, rejection and abuse. They aren't learning how to be better men because of it. They are only getting what they want: to get off."

Another dominant woman, with a preference for submissive men willing to forgo penetrative sex in an intimate relationship, complained that too many men are dependent on exercising their penises in an effort, "...to prove their masculinity." Submissive men are "...more obsessed with attributes such as size etc. The moniker 'family jewels' for a man's testicles is an example of the skewed level of importance men attribute to this one organ. What would make a submissive man different is that he is able to grasp his masculinity without attributing it entirely to his penis, i.e., the realization that a man is a man because of a lot more than what dangles between his legs." So true.

So how does a man sexually serve a dominant woman beyond traditional intercourse? And why is 'maleness' and masculinity so tied in to a man's penis? Is it possible for a man to be sexually and emotionally satisfied if he's denied the use of his penis? Some women employ chastity locks to harness male arousal; forcing the submissive to rethink traditional gender and sex roles and internalize sexual fervor for the benefit of the woman holding the key to his release. Yet, ultimately release must come - either from masturbation or milking. At one point or another, he will have to be relieved. Can denial of release be enough for even the more dedicated submissive? Likely not.

It's probably not much of a stretch to suggest men are excessively penis-centric in their behavior and thinking towards women. Masculinity for many men it is little more than machismo-fueled hubris. Submissive men should be more evolved in their thinking regarding masculinity and sexuality; our genitalia presented to and available for consideration by our feminine superiors if and when it suits them but not be a primary focus in our delivery of service, pleasure and obedience to the dominant women who choose us.

I am submissiveProud

Bedroom Boss

2011-04-10T06:11:00.000-07:00

HerWords
"I like to be the primary aggressor in the bedroom. No, I don't expect him to lie there like a dead fish. I want active participation. I just want to be the one that throws him against the wall, holds his neck and proceeds to play with an ear or a nipple. I want to smother him with my breasts or vulva. There's nothing sexier than a man coated in my juices."
- A single Dominant Woman speaks out on Her sexual needs

I am submissiveProud

A Fierce Feminist Femdom Speaks Out

2011-04-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

Q+A
One of the benefits of writing this blog has been the opportunity to engage online with a number of remarkable women who have approached me to ask a question or share a point-of-view. Most of the direct communications I've received from women have focused on their interest in Female Led Relationships and issues related to their emerging dominance over men. On occasion, I have asked these women if they'd be willing to be interviewed for this blog - to share their opinions and ideas with a broader audience and help dispel misconceptions of what dominant women are all about. The following is an interview - conducted via e-mail - with one such woman who has been a regular contributor to this blog and whose insights and opinions I find enlightening.

I think the highlight of this interview are her comments regarding female dominance, male submission and feminist theory. She is a proud feminist; unapologetic in her preference for submissive men and insistent on non-machismo behavior. Men privileged to be in her sphere are expected to learn and participate in feminist causes and issues facing women and gender. I asked her to write an introduction about herself and posed nine questions. The answers are posted verbatim; as usual, my questions are in bold gray.

HerIntroduction
"Most of us, women and men, are raised almost entirely by women. We associate female authority with childhood and we think it's appropriate to childhood and not to adult life and politics because we really haven't seen it that much." - Gloria Steinem

I am a dominant woman, queer, Canadian and a feminist.
I am currently in an egalitarian relationship with a woman and have dated submissive men in the past. I have gone by the moniker Wittgenstein's Mistress [or simply sometimes "W.M."] off and on for a few years now in the comments section of john's blog and recently was asked to share my views with his readership through an interview.

My interest in submissive men began years ago when the man I was seeing described our relationship as a relationship between equals... with an asterisk. It was not the first time I had been described as having taken the alpha role in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, but it was the first time that someone had described me as a "dominant woman." Naturally, as many women do, I was a bit taken aback by the new descriptor and wondered what it was that my partner was really trying to tell me. After many conversations and many more arguments [usually of the "aren't you just calling me a b-tch?" variety…], I gradually came to understand what it was that he was trying to point out. Looking back, though not much really changed in our relationship overnight save for the terminology [and perhaps his "honey-do" list…], it was an interesting new way in which to view our relationship and the other relationships I had been in up to that point. I think that language is power and being able to name what it is that you live on a daily basis is important not only to understanding it but also to owning it and now that I have the context of language, I am able to not only understand my mates better but also myself.

Questions+Answers
Why do submissive men appeal to you?
Submissive men appeal to me because in many ways, relationships with submissive men are much easier to navigate than vanilla relationships. As a dominant woman, I can make clear to him in no uncertain terms what it is that I expect of him without being perceived as being too demanding or unreasonable and I have a much better chance that most of my demands will be met. I have the final say and we both accept that, which makes the bigger things much easier to deal with.

Of course it goes without saying that submissive men appeal to me sexually. That is part of the attraction to be sure. I love seeing bashful, modest men defer to me, both in the bedroom and out and in many ways I find that relationships with submissive men are more sexually charged than with vanilla men because everything has a deeper meaning to it within the context of D/s. If you can make something as mundane as doing the dishes or scrubbing the floors sexual, why wouldn't you? It adds a wholly different dynamic to the romance that I find very satisfying.

Overall, I find that submissive men are more evolved as individuals. Their politics tend to be kinder and their overall disposition is just a pleasure to deal with. They are easier to bond with as partners because there is not the big brick wall called masculinity separating me from him and I find that they tend to be more supportive when it comes to the women in their lives than their non-submissive counterparts. As someone who tends to be the alpha in her relationships, this is crucial. I want someone who can function well in a supportive role and doesn't mind taking a backseat to my work and my activism when it calls for it. Submissive men provide me with that.

Feminism+Femdom
Any correlation between female dominance and feminism?
Female dominance and feminism... A proverbial "slippery slope," to be sure, and they are not one and the same. As a feminist, I am very cognizant of the connections between the two that exist for many people but am reluctant to talk at great length about it because of the tendency of feminism's opponents to equate the two as being the same [or rather, to equate their shallow caricatures) and as such do not want to add fuel to the fire and misrepresent other feminists who are not inclined toward FLRs and those who are into FLRs but choose to keep their politics and their romantic lives "separate" [a concept which I question the validity of but which exists nonetheless].

However, I will say this: we are missing so much in terms of balance between the genders that it makes it so that we totally lack even the language or framing to describe what a woman as empowered as a man would be or look like. Of course there is the concept of equality but even then, that's being modest considering that men as a class the world over are overprivileged and women, even those in Western industrialized society, are still underprivileged as an entire class of people. Therefore, the happy medium of equality that feminists have been striving for for years is so distant from both genders because of their respective positions in society that the gap between the two is enormous. As such, our concepts of what a liberated woman looks like and what a liberated man looks like are vastly different. Dominant women are essentially in many ways the female equivalent of regular men, but perhaps more benevolent.

Is there any social significance to account for the emergence of male submission amongst so many men?
The emergence of submission in men, socially, I think has to do with the performance of masculinity. There is nothing natural or easy about living within the strict confines of the traditional masculine role [just as the same is true for the feminine] and so it is a constant performance act to maintain appearances for men to prove to others their worthiness as defined by Patriarchy. Men grow weary of the limits of their roles and like the pendulum, swing equally in the opposite direction.

I also think that as younger women continue to outperform [if not out-earn] their male counterparts, gender roles in Western society will be forced to bend if not entirely break altogether to accommodate this new reality. Feminism has given women the space in which to grow beyond their traditional roles [legally and societally] and though they have not been as quick to take up these new roles, men are slowly starting to take advantage of the new spaces made available to them as well.

HerExpectations
What are your expectations of a man who submits to you?
As a dominant woman, my expectations for my submissive man are:
Feminist
Clean cut [but not preppy]
Well educated
Well dressed
Kind hearted
Gracious
Humble
Far-left politically
6ft+ [with exceptions made for MSNBC's Richard Engel... yum]
Most of the rest can be worked with or altered according to my taste and his talents...

I tend to keep an open mind when it comes to potential mates and don't keep a huge laundry list of "must-have"'s but I do expect him to be gentle hearted and humble, attentive and good natured with an easy sense of humour, not addicted to masculinity, as Ms. Steinem would say, and willing to go against the gender role grain when I ask/tell him to. Personally, I tend to prefer the "strong, silent type" but I think that just about any personality type or man from any background can be submissive with the right guidance and with/for the right woman.

What misconceptions do submissive men have regarding dominant women?
Some misconceptions that submissive men have of dominant women are:

That we are dominant all the time and in all aspects of our lives and your lives. People are complex and multi-faceted and dominant women are no different.

That we are a monolith. You cannot ask what one woman likes [like the shaved vs unshaved debate] and apply it to all women, even all dominant women, as a whole. It is stupid and lazy, things submissive men should never be.

That we are as enamoured with your penis [and the control of it] as you are. There are of course variances from woman to woman but I have never met a woman, vanilla or otherwise, who really gave a lot of thought to her man's penis without first being prompted by her male partner... Men do more than enough of that sort of obsessing for the both of them.

That propositioning a dominant woman with the attitude that you yourself are a lowly worm not worth talking to will get you anywhere. It won't. If you think you're a worm, why should I give you the time of day, and furthermore, if you as a worm are taking up my time and thinking that you are good enough to stand a chance, then what does that say about me [and furthermore, what you really think of me]? Dominant women deserve equals so please showcase your strengths; don't hide them.

That we do not want to have sex with you, that we are not aroused by you, that sex with you is a chore to be avoided. I think that this is why I cringe when I hear submissive men being quite vocal [and without being asked] about their own desires to be locked in "chastity." I view chastity devices as an annoyance and an unnecessary extra step for me when I want access to you. Because of patriarchy, because we live in a system where men are supposed to be the ones doing the desiring and women are the passive receivers of that desire [whether they want it or not]. Therefore, it is such a foreign concept for men to feel desired that I think subconsciously on some level submissive men come out with these suggestions in a veiled attempt to make themselves less threatening and more user-friendly to their dominant female counterparts [perhaps in order to gain access to women that they feel they otherwise would not gain access to]. If you don't have the will or self control to stop touching yourself if/when your female partner asks, you are not a submissive at all and are unworthy of her time. If you want to prove your submissiveness, be strong and please her yourself. Don't rely on a device to do it for you. Self control is much sexier than no control.

SubmissiveMen
Would you support a submissive man who decided to be 'out' about his true nature in a public way?
Yes, I would absolutely be supportive of a man who was open publicly about his submissive nature. Any breaking rank with traditional gender roles is good for me and it's pleasing to me to see men willing to take a risk and the resultant consequences of breaking rank, even if it is just for their own benefit and not necessarily the benefit of women. Women have been doing it for many years and it is well past time that men did as well. As Gloria Steinem once said, we have raised our daughters to be more like our sons but few have had the courage to raise our sons to be more like our daughters. If submissive men truly love and admire women then they will not bat an eye at being compared to one, much less take offense because of it. Celebrate the non-conventional aspects of who you are and let people think what they will. As the adage goes, those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

How can submissive men put their best foot forward with dominant women?
Submissive men can put their best foot forward generally by:
Being personally interesting. Being engaging. Educating themselves constantly and always bettering themselves. If you are not with someone now, you need to be working on yourself in the meantime so that you have more to offer her when she does come along [and more to attract her with in the first place]. Educate yourself as to what your options might be for an FLR but do not become so rigid in your desires that you are missing opportunities and making the perfect the enemy of the good. Always be looking for new ways to please and new ways to increase both the quality and the volume of what you bring to the table.

Submissive men can put their best foot forward with me personally by:
Showing me their commitment to feminism and to the advancement of women in general and specifically. I want to know who your favourite feminist writer is and WHY. I want to see you including feminism in your every day life. I want to see the courses in your transcripts and the receipts/event ticket stubs that demonstrate your commitment to feminism from long before I came along. I want to have all the trappings of the sort in a vanilla relationship that make me fall in love and I want to be impressed. It is not enough to just have our unconventional romantic preferences in common. You are a submissive man so therefore I should have MORE to marvel over with you, not less. Be marvelous.

What do you mean about going against the 'gender grain'?
Meaning: I do not tolerate machismo. If that means that he needs to adopt a more traditionally feminine view of things or give up some of the traditionally male responses and viewpoints then so be it. This does not constitute "feminization", the practice of making a man feel like a woman for the purpose of humiliation [a hard limit for me as a feminist... something I will not, under any circumstances, do]. It could be any number of things that tend to be traditionally male territory that I don't like, such as eating meat, supporting hawkish candidates, or expressing disdain for anything because he finds it to be too "girly" or "feminine" [I will beat that out of him by the time I'm done with him... metaphorically, of course]. It basically boils down to actions that are steeped in maleness that either work against women or that I find personally distasteful.

I expect a lot of the same things from my vanilla partners but also expect them to put up a modest fight in the process [it's not that I want them to but I've come to expect it]. My submissive partners, on the other hand, are expected to obey first and ask questions later [if at all!].

HerRules
What protocols do you insist on with a submissive man?
Protocols, both public and private:
In public:
-Carry my bag [s] when asked without protest or hesitation
-Defer to me in most decisions purchases over $50, where/what to eat unless asked, where we will spend our day/evening, how to handle the homeless person asking for change, etc.
-I have veto power over anything in his wardrobe [or anything about to enter his wardrobe] and his overall grooming habits [naturally]
-When I give him an order, he is to respond with a prompt "yes, Ma'am" before doing what I asked [for my own amusement, really]
-He must never raise his voice with other women or speak disrespectfully to or of them, regardless of status or context, even if he is viscerally opposed to what they say/stand for [how disgracefully so many so-called progressive men talk about Palin or Coulter is the kind of thing I am talking about]
-Simple things like taking care of doors and coats should be a given
-He is expected to help where help is needed with members of my family. He does not get a say in this. If an elderly family member could use physical assistance with her garden or, say, a sister needs to be picked up from the airport, he is expected to rise to the task and make me proud to call him mine.
-Unless he is not familiar with the area while I am, I prefer that he drive and not out of some traditionally sexist assumptions about women vs men drivers but rather that 1) I would rather he do the work while I relax and take in the scenery and 2) I have a bit of a hand fetish. I enjoy watching a man's hands grace the steering wheel and shift from time to time and if I were driving, I wouldn't be able to enjoy that. Small pleasures...

Privately:
-I oversee the finances [if cohabiting]
-Unless otherwise specified, he will take care of most of the household chores
-He is to field my calls at my home number when he is around
-If he can't cook already, that will quickly be remedied.
-He is to report to me after dressing/getting ready for work or an evening out for inspection and approval
-I will mandate what sort of charities and activism would be best for him to engage in in his free time. I will consider his opinion, of course, based on his interests and make my final decision accordingly
-When we are lounging around home simply enjoying each other's company, weather permitting, I have been known to employ CFNM. It is pleasing and arousing to me to see him so casually nude at my request and reinforces to both me and to him the roles we have chosen in our relationship.

Finally, there is something that I ask of all long term partners and require of all submissive men that I suspect many women do not. Depending on his own academic experiences, I require that he enroll in a minimum of one course per academic term in Women's studies. I've grown tired of trying to teach my male partner about gender issues so that he can understand me and what I do. I find that even those who claim to be feminist can always use some improvement. It assures me that he at least has some of the basics down and we can go from there. If possible, I will take the course with him, even if it is something I myself have already covered because 1) it gives us something to discuss, 2) I enjoy seeing him grow in understanding and 3) I want to be there to guide him to make sure that he is getting the right interpretation from what is being taught, so that he can apply it to himself and everyday life in general. I have employed this in the past and found it to be invaluable.

Quite frankly, submissive men are a lot more fun than their vanilla counterparts. I get to have my own man custom tailored to suit my tastes. What woman wouldn't want that?

I am submissiveProud

The Male 'Wife' - Part II

2011-04-07T02:00:00.000-07:00

FemaleDominance
I got a nice follow-up note from a dominant woman I interviewed last year. She initially expressed an interest in meeting a submissive man who would assume the role of her 'wife' in a long-term female led relationship. In our interview, she expressed her expectations for the man who would serve her saying, "I want him to take the role of supporter, help-mate. I want him to find fulfillment in the care and love he provides for me, to give of himself because he holds me in the deepest admiration…."

Now this San Francisco-based dominant woman is moving forward with her search by starting her own femdom-centric blog. She's planning on documenting her efforts to meet Mr. Right and possibly provide a road map of sorts for other like-minded women who prefer the company and service of submissive men. What's more, she expects to meet, date and collar her submissive partner inside of a year. Her new site - called True Domme - shows much promise as an emerging portrait of a confident woman's effort to explore alternative gender roles where the women always comes first. As it should be!

I am submissiveProud

A Gynocentric POV

2011-03-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

Q+A
Gynocentric is a wonderful word no one uses; at least until now. I was doing a Google search on the topic and came across a remarkable blog called Smooth Femdom - which details one strong, eloquent black woman's search for her ideal submissive mate. Her postings present a remarkable viewpoint on what Female Led Relationships can look like and I asked the woman behind the site if she'd answer a few of my questions for the blog. She agreed, and here are my questions in bold gray and her answers in black; highlights mine.

What does 'gynocentrism' mean to you?
Gynocentrism is a lifestyle under a gynocratic state [women govern with supreme rule.] For me a gynocentric relationship is where a man willingly offers his submission to women. SmoothFemdom in my mind has less to do with a woman forcing a man to do as she wishes but guiding him into her vision.

Please describe your ideal submissive man?
A six foot+, multifaceted über-liberal masculine submissive sensitive metrosexual right brain/left brain dual thinking professional, with a smooth bald body, who is easy on the eyes, that shares my interests and takes my lead.

Why would you like to live more openly as a Dominant Woman?
I was referring to the freedom to communicate my thoughts and nontraditional personal opinions, in the way I wish to communicate openly without professional repercussions. In professional environments and networking settings it is acceptable for men to make comments regarding the demands they make on their significant other without being sanctioned professionally. As a matter of fact, their chauvinism is completely overlooked. However, women who express those same thoughts are sanctioned professionally. We are deemed not a good fit for managing others, and taking on significant responsibility. Management ALWAYS uses a woman's personal life against us when making leadership decisions. It is more acceptable to be a lesbian, than to have a dominant disposition. Heterosexual women must be liked, and gain consensus by everyone to be respected to get ahead.

What mistakes do submissive men make with women?
It depends on the woman's preferences. For me, the biggest mistake is when men sexualize women, project their kinks onto women without concern for a woman's interest or needs, and is pushy instead of being relaxed and laid back. The worst is to assume one knows what a woman wants; or is not patient in discovering those things.

Is there a social/feminist component to your thinking as a dominant woman?
Yes, I am a Womanist.

How do you let men you're interested know you're dominant?
I am not a dominatrix, I simply have a dominant disposition. Therefore, I never make a formal disclosure. That would be like disclosing that I am a heterosexual liberated Black Woman over cocktails. When one is face to face, there is no need. Frankly, I don't know if I am interested in a man until after I have dated him. By then, they have discovered my disposition. Whomever I find attractive and wish to approach, I simply approach them. It doesn't take much to go to a wine bar for drinks. I have a terrible sub-radar anyway. My issue is not disclosing my disposition, but discovering theirs. Hell, men don't wear signs on their chest that say they are subs. Most men that say they are subs, aren't. All men present in an accommodating respectful manner when you initially meet. I have dated too many metrosexual Alpha males that turned out to have had expectations of domestication and submission that I was unwilling to acquiesce too. It is ironic that those men have often suggested I don't know my place. The nerve of them:-).

A little over a year ago, I decided to join websites with high population of submissive males. I discovered that men on those sites were kinked-out subs on a mission, that didn't coincide with my objectives. The kinksters are concerned with satisfying their preoccupation with their fetish list and adrenaline chasing. I am not knocking it, I am simply not interested in being someones servicer. Hell, I have my own needs to be satisfied. Most of those men are not single anyway.

Are you open with friends and family about your dominance?
Most people who know me characterize me as demanding and willful. However, my friends would be mortified if they knew about SmoothFemdom blog. One of my friends and my sister knows about it. They are both dominant Chicks. Therefore, I would say I am officially a closeted dominant Chick.

I am submissiveProud

Women: A Question for You

2011-03-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
Question: As a Dominant Woman, what are your expectations of a man who describes himself as submissive?

I am submissiveProud

Topic A: Female Feedback

2011-03-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

BlogTalk
Here's my dilemma: hundreds of daily visitors to this blog; yet little if any feedback from you, the readers. The dialogue and debate has gone missing; the opportunity to engage and move the discussion forward on the topics at hand: Female Led Relationships, male submission and Female Dominance stymied due to….? I'll be the first to admit, I have strong opinions; I share them openly and sometimes even stridently. I am not afraid to engage because I believe only through debate and discussion can you drill down to the heart of an issue - whether it's Middle East politics or Gynocentrism - and take the conversation to an actionable level. I started this blog more than five years ago in hopes of creating awareness of the benefits of F/m relationships and have had numerous exchanges with many who have taken something [mostly] positive from it. But for this site to continue and grow, it has to be more than just me talking. Fair enough?

I am submissiveProud

An Expectation of Obedience

2011-03-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

SubmissiveMen
As a Woman, what first comes to mind when you think about submissive men? Is it a pleasurable thought; or something with a more negative connotation? Do you think of such men as worthy of your time and effort or simply poseurs who seek their pleasure behind a guise of obedience? I think there are quite a few answers and from what I've gathered, quite a few frustrated [dominant] women out there who are trying to figure out what a man who describes himself a 'submissive' is really all about.

If nothing else, I believe men who claim to be 'submissive' need to, at a minimum, demonstrate deference to those women with whom they interact. And for the most part, I do believe submissive men are generally sincere in their desire to serve and obey women whom they acknowledge as their superiors. My lifestyle submissive-orientation comes from deep within; it's as much of who I am as my eye color and heterosexuality. I cannot imagine being in a relationship where the underlying foundation was anything other than female led and directed. I believe any submissive man worthy of a collar is one who is inherently obedient to feminine authority and chivalrous and deferential to all women - regardless.

I'm atypical from most who wear the badge of 'submissive to women' but that's because it's not a kink, fling or exploration for me: it's a lifestyle, a belief system - a religion. And though there's a significant sexual element to my submissiveness; my purpose in life is to be pleasing to women; appreciated for being one who is supportive of female-oriented issues and empowerment in all aspects of society.

I think it's fair to say many non-'dominant' identifying women would even agree that a discernible degree of deference, respect and humility from men is not only appreciated but long over due. Gender roles are rapidly evolving and soon [though not soon enough], I'm confident the acceptance and appreciation of submissive men and acknowledgement of their non-leadership roles in female-led households will ultimately become a celebrated and valued relationship dynamic. For men who are serious and sincere about offering submission to Women, it's never too late to start living these beliefs every day and in every way.

I am submissiveProud

The Wikipedia of FLR's?

2011-03-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

FemaleLedRelationships
I'm on Google a lot and during a recent femdom-related search, my top result was a paid advertisement for a new site called AboutFLR.com. That was surprising in itself because the number of online resources available on this topic are relatively scarce beyond a handful of blogs and the woman-run site, She Makes the Rules, which appears to be struggling with pleas for donations.

I clicked the link and sure enough there's a built-from-the-ground-up new site focused on promoting and educating women and men on the topic of Female Led Relationships. The content is something akin of 'FLR's for Dummies' with a Wikipedia-style design that suggests this is serious business. This doesn't look like any other site regarding this topic and it's clear that the heavy emphasis on text over images is designed to attract women and put-off those men not serious enough to read through the site. There's a clearly stated 'no porn' policy and a few graphs and charts to suggest this is fact-based though there's little supporting documentation to back any of the polls or surveys up.

An e-mail to the site requesting an interview for this blog was declined, according to the respondent who only signed their name 'Informant' because, the said, the site was in it's "early stages" and they didn't want to "get distracted with interviews or associations" but would consider doing something more in 2012 once the "project is completed."

I was told the site's content was written by 11 women and 2 men and they were interested in the female perspective on the subject which was "bourne of the internet." Interesting. I have no idea if this is legitimate, but whatever it is, it's definitely intriguing.

I am submissiveProud

Demonstrating Deference to Women

2011-03-12T13:29:00.000-08:00

SubmissiveMen
Quote: "…causes a certain stir in me when I see him practicing an attitude of gentle submission to others, especially women. I can't really explain it. It's just there."
- A Dominant Woman on her appreciation of outward male submission.

In many ways, I think the above comment reflects a lot about what Female Led/Femdom relationships are really all about: respect and deference to all women; not only the one the submissive is in a relationship with. Men - like me - who openly acknowledge our submissiveness should be moved to take our female-focused societal orientation a step beyond what might be expected and think about how we can be more helpful and accommodating to all women; to use our innate submissiveness [and yes, it is a blessing] to offer a greater level of chivalry, gentlemanly behavior and openly acknowledged and demonstrative deference towards women. It seems so simple and obvious, yet I do not get the sense that a even submissive men offer a suitable degree of deference to women on a day-to-day basis.

I can vividly remember a Dominant Women/submissive men seminar at the Eulenspiegel Society in New York when - during the break - the men lined up to use the facilities and had to be reminded they should defer to the waiting [dominant] women - also in line - who had to use the same bathroom. It was sarcastically suggested by one of the women - the men allow the women to go first since these men were supposedly submissive. Duh!

There are all sorts of every day affirmations submissive men can make to women to demonstrate their respect regardless if they know the recipient of their offering. This is only the type of expected behavior that is second nature to any well-raised, educated, thoughtful man. So why wouldn't it be second nature for every submissive man? Good question.

I am submissiveProud

The Modern Submissive Man: "Refreshing"

2011-02-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

HerWords
"It has been my experience that a good deal of men have problems reigning in their own ego, both in the context of their relationships and how they conduct themselves in the world at large, so to see a man who is comfortable with taking the submissive role [or alternatively giving the chance at the dominant role to someone else, depending on how you see it] is refreshing."
- Recent comment by a Dominant Woman on this blog.

I am submissiveProud

Pick a Number; Any Number

2011-02-19T11:01:00.000-08:00

SubmissiveMen
Men come in all shapes and size; submissive men are no different. We walk amongst you, toil away in the adjoining cubicle and patiently stand next to you in line at the supermarket. We cannot be singled out by the clothes we wear, the way we walk or how we talk; we're everywhere - and nowhere. Our innate sensibilities and desires hidden not only from view but buried deep down in our psyches, forever fearful of being inadvertently outed and exposed to a world mostly uncomfortable with the notion of men following the lead of [dominant] women. Our masculinity in the balance, we deny and hide our true selves for fear that those who know and love us will think less of us; that we'll be marginalized as something less than men; perverts in the midst; different, strange, weird - you choose the adjective.

Yet, those Dominant Women who do appreciate the gift of male obedience, service and submission like their men just the way they are [or how they mold them to be.] For some women, finding their ideal sub is more a matter of drawing them in rather then drawing them out. Why? Because female dominance - while still not mainstream - is much more accepted than male submission. Women asserting themselves is seen as social empowerment; to be celebrated and embraced. Society wants strong women; not deferential/submissive men.

As a Dominant Women what "type" of submissive man are you most attracted to?

1. The guy who is strong [physically and/or mentally] but total putty in your hands.
2. The easygoing, go-with-the flow kind of guy ["Whatever you want dear, it's all good to me."]
3. The softy [tears up at sad movies]
4. The submissive in general [not a doormat but tends to avoid conflict and defer to other people in his everyday life]
5. The kinkster [loves the eroticism of power exchange and doesn't care who knows it]
6. The hidden submissive [Is a total "Joe Average" in his daily life but behind closed doors is putty in your hands.]
7. The activist [identifies as a Feminist and actively fights for women's rights and women's issues]
8. Other [please describe]

I am submissiveProud

The One-Track-Mind Submissive Man

2011-01-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

HerWords
"In my early forays into discussions with men who labeled themselves submissive, I was struck by how little they wanted the conversation to stray from their ideas of what they thought the ideal mistress/goddess/dominant might be like."
- A 43-year old Dominant Woman's frustrations with submissive men.

Women in Power

2011-01-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

MatriarchalRelationships
"I and many others of us believe that power in relationships should belong to the female partner. In short we are "matriarchists." We believe that not only individual relationships but the world in general would be a far better place for all of us if women held the reins of power… "
-Comment by 'Elizabeth' on an online F/m forum

I am submissiveProud

Q+A: Her Life, Her Rules

2011-01-11T16:37:00.000-08:00

FemaleDominance
Here's an insightful interview with a thoughtful 25-year old professional woman in the midst of exploring her dominance while trying to figure out what works for her in a relationship with a strong, secure submissive-oriented man. This whip-smart modern woman agreed to answer a few of my questions as she refines her demands and evolves her expectations for a long-term F/m relationship partner. My questions in gray; bold highlights mine.

Why do you prefer a submissive man as a relationship partner?
I had the most difficulty answering this question, because I don't think that it is easy to explain. I think that this preference is not something that one decides to have, but rather something you're born with; on both sides of the submissive/dominant coin. I have a dominant personality, and it seems that when I choose a man that accepts my strong personality and opinions it makes life a lot easier. While, I prefer men that accept, appreciate and help harbor my dominant personality I've only recently been actively seeking a man that indicates his own desire to be a submissive male. I have found this newly embarked journey to be enlightening and challenging. It has changed the way I understand myself and others, and mostly in a positive way.

Are you open about your preferences for a submissive male?
I am open with very close friends about my relationships and my expectations. But, I don't shout my preferences from the mountain tops and speak of them to anyone who will listen. However, I think it's quite obvious to people that know me and see how I handle my relationships that I choose men that understand and accept my dominant personality, even if they haven't placed a label on it. However, when I find a man that I am interested in I will mention the lifestyle in a joking manner in order to gauge his response and openness to the idea.

Describe your ideal relationship with a submissive man
My ideal relationship is one of mutual respect, honor, affection, adoration, humor and security. I expect the man that I choose to be with in a long-term relationship to have his own life goals and aspirations. A man without a backbone is not the man for me; I do not expect nor want complete and absolute submission. I want to feel as though I am with an equal, as well as a submissive. This is more within the intellectual realm of the relationship, I appreciate opinions, debates and generally good conversation. I want a friend that I can confide in as well as love and respect. But, other aspects will differ.

For an example: I am not a typical domestic female, therefore I do not like to do housework or instinctively notice that something needs to be cleaned or organized. So, while I will happily take on some of the house chores I would prefer to leave most of the housework to the man I choose. I also find this aspect of the relationship to be extremely erotic so my appreciation for the unequal division of the household chores will be recognized, highly appreciated and rewarded in other ways. Also, at times I would feel the need to administer punishments of some sort if expectations are not met; these punishments would be mutually decided upon but given at my leisure.

Will Female Led Relationships become the norm?
I would love to believe that this is the case, and I do believe that it will be. I think that women have always led their relationships it just hasn't been recognized in any fashion. How many times have we heard: "Men may be the head of the household, but women are the neck that can turn the head in whichever direction they choose", or some variation of the sort? I was raised around very strong and intelligent women, so for me this particular status quo is not new to me but one that has been a long-time coming. I think that the world is shifting towards one that openly recognizes the power that women intuitively have and it is about damn time.

Please describe your type of guy
This was touched upon in an earlier answer, but on the whole I am generally attracted to confident, intelligent, respectful and funny men that have their own goals and aspirations that fully understand that I want what I want when I want it. This man should also be open with his own desires and be confident enough to communicate them successfully and without hesitation.

>Physically: Tall, broad and bearded. I appreciate a man that takes care of himself and generally smells nice. Open feminization is not something I find to be particularly attractive or necessary.
>Intellectually: Educated and humorous are my two favorite aspects in the men I have dated and will choose to date in the future. I need an intellectual challenge to keep me interested and on my toes. Also, someone that will laugh with and at me, in a good-natured way, of course.
>Politically: I do not have a political expectation as I respect [even if I don't accept] all opinions. I am not a politically radical person and always appreciate and respectfully debate opinions from either side. However, no anti-gay man should come within 100 yards of me, for his own good.
>Sexually: Here is a small bit: chastity, cunnilingus-on-demand and queening chairs, restraints, unequal division of orgasms.
Punishment: whipping [the most extreme], corner time, no orgasm, sleeping on the sofa, no social time, etc.
Pondering: Cuckolding and jealousy

I fully believe that each relationship is different therefore making each sexual experience unique. I am always open to ideas and new sexual scenarios.

I am submissiveProud

Women: What's In It For You?

2011-01-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

HerWords
Queston: As a woman - dominant or otherwise - what do you find appealing about submissive men?

I am submissiveProud

Male Submission: Making A [Political] Statement

2010-12-31T08:15:00.000-08:00

SubmissiveMen
My submissive instincts and desires have long been about more than sex; something more encompassing and civic in scope and purpose. A political statement? Perhaps. I don't portend male submission is on any political agenda but beneath the surface there is more to it than simple [physical] interaction within a relationship - or just the bedroom - between a dominant woman and her chosen submissive male.

Submissive men, like me, who acknowledge and offer our obedience to women do so on two distinct fronts: one is biological - an innate desire and need - often since childhood - to interact with women in a non-traditional and decidedly deferential manner. The second is more social and political in stature - to repudiate to some degree the societal expectations and perceptions of what a man should and shouldn't be. That's the hard part.

There are many men who silently reject traditional gender roles and the social implications such roles imply on them. We are not supporters of patriarchal traditions; nor feel we should be. We fight a tsunami-like consensus that men must toe a line established over thousands of years patriarchal tradition: leader, decision-maker, provider, protector and fighter. And though I have no specific issue with any of those prescribed roles and in many instances fulfill them; it's done without consideration of my needs, feelings and beliefs.

I do stand apart from most men in my need to be led; domestically, socially and sexually by a woman. I'm not alone and know many other otherwise outward-alpha men live lies when expressing themselves because anything we do or say that impugns the patriarchal traditions is seen as a negative including our outspoken support for women in non-traditional roles.

I am submissiveProud

Cuckolded By HIs Wife and Her Dominant Lover

2010-12-19T19:59:00.000-08:00

SubmissiveMen
He's called hubwife and he's a feminized submissive male who has been recently cuckolded by his bisexual dominant wife. Their Female Led Marriage took a dramatic turn after she took on a dominant female lover, Sandra, to whom she is submissive. The male in this newly created troika is on the bottom of the pecking order, in service to not only his primary partner but her dominant lover as well. The owner of hubwife, has started a blog, Bi and Large, and I asked if she would be willing to answer some questions for the blog about her relationship with her recently cuckolded husband; she graciously agreed and the following are my questions in gray along with her unedited responses. [Bold highlights mine.]

Whose idea was your Wife Led Marriage?
Both of ours actually. With hubwife always having those submissive tendencies, it was understood that once the kids were out of the house, i.e. college, on their own, etc. that our lifestyle would change. hubwife suggested we formalize it a little more and going into a Wife Led Marriage or Relationship did just that.

What physical/behavioral changes has hubwife undergone?
Physically, I think hubwife is much more concerned about her weight and appearance as we have intensified the feminization. she's conscious about what sizes she wants to fit in, waist size, her skin's appearance, eyebrows, etc. These are all things a man can do without outwardly appearing overly feminine. The biggest changes have come on the behavioral side. Since we have moved into more of a full time WLM, her behavior is much more docile, obedient, etc. she is also much more soft spoken, defers to me on virtually all decisions and has even become a bit less concerned about publicly showing her submission to me.

What is it about male feminization that appeals to you?
It's always been part of our play and to be honest, was just "play" when it first started. I was more or less ambivalent about it. However, I began to like how it transformed hubwife into a very compliant and obedient submissive. Now, it turns me on to see her that way. It's just the way I am wired I guess. Many Dominant Women want nothing to do with it, others love it. Go figure.

How has hubwife changed since being cuckolded by a woman?
I believe she has overcome the initial shock. It has intensified her submission to me in my opinion. There is the humiliation factor that wasn't there before. Whether or not the humiliation would be greater if it were a man I am not sure. However, Sandra can be very creative and can add to hubwife's humiliation.

How has Sandra added to hubwife's 'humiliation?'
To date, Sandra has remained quite restrained in her humiliation of hubwife, considering I know what She has planned! She wants our relationship to establish itself more before adding to hubwife's humiliation. Thus far however, Her insistence on naming her 'hubwife' is very humiliating. That is how we refer to her all the time, the term is sort of objectification in many ways. Sandra enjoys hubwife's feminization, and has begun to play closer attention to the way she dresses, etc. That will undoubtedly manifest itself more in the near future. I also see hubwife becoming more intimate with the two of us, primarily from a service perspective.

What changes - if any - has Sandra insisted for hubwife?
We've discussed several changes [Sandra and I] that will likely take place. Right now, hubwife is not aware of these so I can't discuss them. Some things that Sandra has already insisted upon include naming Michael/Michelle "hubwife" until She decides on something more appropriate. Also, any plans for future vacations or time away have to be discussed with Her first and the identification of Saturday nights as "Date Night" for Her and I. She also plans on putting various rules to writing for both of us, but primarily hubwife.

What is your goal for hubwife in your relationship?
i want her to be my stay-at-home wife, much as she is now. I fully expect her to adapt to that role even more, and I want her domestic skills to improve. As my relationship with Sandra progresses, and I am confident it will, I want hubwife to be increasingly accepting and obedient to Her. Her dominance of hubwife will increase and I see that as an important "next step."

Physical preferences for submissive men other than hubwife?
While I still like a "hunk of a man", muscular, strong, etc... my preference for submissive men are ones who are slim, smooth, and even smaller or the same size as me. I just have a difficult time picturing big strapping men in lingerie, being submissive, etc. By the same token, I have a hard time picturing smaller, slim type men as being dominant.

What are Sandra's opinions on submissive men?
Sandra enjoys the control She has over hubwife, with most of that control manifested through Her relationship with me. Sexually, submissive men are definitely Her preference. She has mentioned to me that She finds them so much more in tune with pleasing Her, as opposed to Dominant Men who only care about their own needs. She's mentioned that She could never picture Herself in a relationship with a Dominant Man.

Are you a proponent of enforced chastity for submissive men?
We played around with it a few years ago. And, I may as well let this particular "cat out of the bag," it's one of the things Sandra and I have talked about as we move forward.

I am submissiveProud

Submissive Men: Smooth as Silk

2010-12-11T08:17:00.000-08:00

MaleGrooming
Walking through Chelsea this week I came across the Nickel Spa and stopped in to pick up a menu of services: everything from haircuts and manicures to waxing and hair removal services; and all of it just for men. At the bottom of the list was their priciest procedure: a full body waxing for $205 which, of course, includes complete genitalia hair removal. That got me thinking about what living life without body hair might be like. I don't know why, but the promise of smooth skin holds lots of appeal. Sure, it's very metrosexual and then some but isn't that what being a submissive man is all about: looking and being your very best for women? I think so too!

I am submissiveProud

Her Words: Proudly Wearing Her Collar

2010-12-05T06:29:00.000-08:00

MaleSubmission
"A man who is obedient to his wife is no less of a man…it takes a great deal of courage to wear a woman's collar. In my opinion a man should be able to wear a collar with pride. It is a public statement of his status. It is a statement that he lives to serve a woman who loves him."
-Excerpt of recent posting on the blog, Femdom 101

I am submissiveProud